Fluttering Dreams

I've moved (again)!

2006-11-07T01:01:00.000+08:00

I've moved! Here here!

The Simple Life

2006-11-02T14:12:00.000+08:00

Recently, I've been spending more time with myself. Like with myself and only myself. No family, no boyfriend, no friends. I really cherish whatever time I have privately, be it just a simple ~~spending~~ window shopping at the mall, or ~~gulping~~ sipping on coffee at Coffee Bean/Starbucks.

I remember that last year, probably around the same period as now, I started pulling myself out of my social circle and decided to spend some time with myself, re-energising and to rethink my goals in life. It was fruitful and as soon as I was over it, I felt so much better, so much more confident and focused in my direction. Needless to say, I was single so I had more time to myself.

I thought I'd never get that same kind of lifestyle ever since I got attached (not that it's a bad thing), but well I yearned to enjoy such a time with myself.

We're all self-obsessed creatures, whether you like it or not.

So anyway I realised the kind of singlehood when you're single single, and the kind of "singlehood" when you're not single attached, comes in a different level. Spending quality time with myself not only allows me to disconnect from my social circle and revisit my thoughts, but has made me appreciate my loved ones better. I'm so glad I have a boyfriend who loves me and spends time with me. I'm fortunate to have a complete family full of warmth. I'm even more grateful to God who has blessed me with such a wonderful life.

Life's pleasures come from the simplest of things.

Not Not

2006-10-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

It is not easy, but not impossible
It is not clear, but not blinding
It is uncertain, but not a failure
It is not up to expectations, but not a disappointment
It is not good, but it is not wrong
It is not fine, but it is not the end of the world
It is not bright, but it is not hopeless.

When things happen, we tend to associate or assume that it is the end and there's nothing we can do about it. But why should we think of the end when we haven't really failed? Why should we quickly end it off when something hasn't been fulfilled? Does it make one a better person? Does it make one a better learner? Or does it simply make one get on and over with it?

Chances may seem grim, and we seem to be revolving around the same subject. End get ting tangled up. It is you who ends up being the failure, not what has happened.

You tie the dead knot.

A Day with Myself

2006-10-24T23:22:00.000+08:00

It was a very short day that I spent with myself. I woke up at about 1pm (3 hours past the intended wake up time) and headed to Bedok Interchange after washing up, with the intention of going to the library to pay my fines and borrow some books for enrichment. But guess what? The blur queen forgot that it's a public holiday, hence the library was closed! The horrible truth was smacked right into my face again when I saw the sign which said, "The libraries will be closed on 21st October for Deepavali and 24th October for Hari Raya." Yay!

So there I was all alone, and feeling terrible because I was ALONE and didn't know where to head to. I didn't want to go home because it was like some wasted trip. I wanted to make my day fulfilling by not staying at home to nua. So I decided to head to MPH @ Parkway Parade to look for some books.

I called up my family and we were going to meet up for dinner only @ 7pm. I didn't have any idea what to do, so bought a book on psychology and headed to Coffee Bean to read it. Then my sister came about one hour later to join me.

It's my daddy's birthday today though and we're glad to spend time with him and make him feel loved by all of us. Happy Birthday Daddy!

I'm 19!!!

2006-10-20T11:14:00.000+08:00

Happy 19th Birthday to the wonderful, sweet, lovely, adorable owner of this blog! Wahaha...

Anyway I'm off to the chalet in about an hour's time, so won't be around to blog, neither will be online until at least Sunday. So for those who need details about my BBQ:

Costa Sands Downtown East
Block F, room 1613.
Basically once you find the room, you need to walk to the backdoor where the BBQ pit is.
The main objective is food right?!
PLEASE WEAR PINK. This is probably the most important details. Now now, you wouldn't want to upset the Birthday Girl, do you? So be NICE!
A good time to arrive would probably be 6.30pm or 7pm. But it's okay if you want to come later. Anyway I don't know what time I'm going to cut the cake! LOL.

So yep. Anything please give me a call, or my bf a call (if you have my number). See ya there!

Wait

2006-10-16T18:01:00.000+08:00

I headed out of Funan to grab some Old Chang Kee a while ago @ about 5pm. While I was walking, I realised that despite the haze and the PSI rising like nobody's business, I haven't seen anybody put on a mask. I mean, it's quite obvious the moment you step out and see that your surroundings are blurry (and that is not because your vision is failing you, which although can be a possibility).

My bestie suggested that maybe because someone hasn't really died out of it yet, and it hasn't really became a PANDEMIC. I mean, isn't the haze equally bad? You breathe it in everyday, you're gonna get some kinda lung infection man.

So peeps, please eat more veggies, drink more water, and try to stay indoors. Dap on a thicker layer of moisturiser and don't forget to wear your Gucci, Burberry, LV, Coach, etc mask out!

World Food Day

2006-10-16T10:51:00.000+08:00

Clicked on Wikipedia today and was told today's World Food Day. Does that mean I can eat more today? =D

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Food_Day

Happy Birthday Blog!

2006-10-13T18:33:00.000+08:00

I just realised my blog is like 2 years old and so far has 302 entries. Hur hur.

Happy Birthday Bloggie!

TGIF

2006-10-13T17:30:00.000+08:00

Yay! It's Fridaaaaaaaayyyyyy!!!
Exactly one more week to my 19th birthday. Can't wait for the BBQ on Saturday evening. It's gonna be such a wonderful day with everyone dressed in pink and catching up with each other's lives. Wheeeeee...

Anyway, I don't have any plans this weekend, I just realised. Maybe going to spend time cleaning up my fish tank, being with my family (especially my daddy), change my bedsheets, clean up my room, tidy up my stuff.

Last Sunday I went to The Concourse with Francis to grab some party supplies. PINK! Heh so exciting. We walked past the Suria Raya Karnival and stopped by after the shopping to grab some Ramly Burger and Chicken Kebab. The Ramly Burger was exceptionally yummylicious! The kebab was so-so I guess, compared to the last time the one I had at Bedok Central was really spicy! But the haze was making the weather so stuffy, and my boyfriend was really sweating like a pig. Anyway we rested for a while before heading home.

The haze seems to be clearing away now, it's been raining quite a bit recently. So keeps us cool. Just don't rain at my BBQ!!!

*Poof*

Wish List!

2006-10-08T23:24:00.000+08:00

For those cracking your brains on what to get me for my birthday, want to get me iPod Nano accessories? Here's some of the stuff I'd love to add to my nano.
Heh, that should be it. More stuff to add to my wish list.

iPod Radio Remote - $88
iPod Hifi? - $588

An Contradiction to the Previous Post

2006-10-06T15:10:00.000+08:00

I hate to post this up, because it breaks my heart badly to do so.
All I want to say to you (if you ever read) is that it hurts to see you talk to people with that annoyed tone.
Not just acquantainces, not just colleagues.
It hurts even more when you talk to your family with that same annoyed tone.

And I hate to think that as time goes by, you will eventually speak to me the same way you do.

Sometimes I feel so worn out I just want to run away.
But no, I can't bear to. Because there are people close to me who need my strength around, to hold everything together in place. And when I feel weak, I need you around for strength. Not for your insensitivity, not for your words that don't help at all. Not for your words that make me even more hurt.

Because when that happens, I don't know how to smile anymore.

Just for You Only (Other guys I'll tell them to go fly kite)

2006-10-02T00:16:00.000+08:00

I know I can be stubborn,
I know I can be troublesome.
When PMS hits me I get all grumpy,
Throw a tantrum or show a black face.
But you never walked away,
Never said goodbye,
You'd stay with me patiently,
Only to see me smile again.

I know I can be depressed,
I know how much I could cry,
When sadness fills me I get all teary,
Quietly I stay or cry alone in the night.
But you never walked away,
Never said goodbye,
You'd stay with me patiently,
Only to see me smile again.

All that you do,
I know it's just to see me smile.
For if I frown or drop a tear,
Your heart would tear apart.
All you ask of me is very simple,
You never asked for more.
Whenever I smile, whenever I laugh
I have you in mind.
For it is you my dear, who makes everything seem so bright.

Just for you only.

*Poof*

New Shoes!

2006-10-02T00:07:00.000+08:00

Shopping today at Tampines Mall & Century Square... Bought a pair of new shoes. Wheee... Was happy that they pasted a pair of heel grips on the shoes to prevent blisters. So sweet and pretty. Wheeee... How great is retail therapy. One pair of shoes can make me so delighted. LoL.

Mainland

2006-09-26T22:42:00.000+08:00

Back from Sentosa, had a fun time with the girls and headed to Marina for steamboat after that. Francis is burnt like a cooked lobster, while I'm still alright, just a burnt on my chest and shoulders. Should be recovering soon. Can't wait to see the girls again!

Met Jem & Pate for kopi/food/barley this evening for some catching up. The rest of the clique couldn't make it. So sad, always the 3 of us. Oh well, but it was interesting sharing the love stories of our parents/grandparents and knowing each other better. So many touching/sad stories. But I guess we pretty much enjoyed it. Left at about 10pm because I was feeling sleepy.

Came home, took a shower, washed up. Should fall into "sleepy" mode soon. Heh. Shall update again.

Love ya.

*Poof*

Sentosa!

2006-09-24T09:18:00.000+08:00

It's one of those rare days where I wake up earlier than anyone would expect me too. Even on Church days I wake up at like 10am. Actually I woke up because I had a tummy ache at like 8.40am. So after I was done, cannot go back to sleep liao. No choice lor. The reason why I'm awake early is because I'm going to Sentosa with the girls (and guys)! We haven't been there together in like 2 years, and the last time I went there was with Francis' friends.

Baked muffins yesterday evening, to avoid the rush in the morning (you all know what a sleepyhead I am). So yep, I'm probably one of the earliest to wake up out of the whole clique. The other ones who would have woken up before would be Charlene (to prepare sandwiches) and Charmaine (to prepare jelly).

Anyway, I slept at like 3am in the morning. Was chatting with my Midnight Trio gang (Brian & Nuha). Whoo, when the 3 of us come together to chat, the juiciest gossips are spilled. But you don't get a share of any! At the same time was chatting with Pate. It kinda feels comforting to have someone who knows what you're going through, and to be able to share stuff with you. I always thought I was the only one. =(

I've got nothing much to do now, already packed my bag. I just need to shower, give morning calls, and maybe have something to eat. My stomach has been growling since last night, N this morning I was trying hard not to spill my bile juices. Yucks. It's not only disgusting, it's uncomfortable. You know, "gao wei".

It's going to be such a fun day tanning. The weather's good. I haven't been tanned in a very long time. One reason is because the last time I went, the weather was gloomy, thus no sun. After which, I slogged on weekdays, sleep like a pig on weekends. My bf and I have been rather lazy. Thirdly is because tanning ages the skin. I don't want to look old. I'd prefer my kiddy look thank you. One of my colleagues was convinced that I was 16. LOL.

Okay, I think I'm done blogging now. Will blog about our trip, if I'm not ~~lazy~~ busy to do it.

*Poof*

Pictures!

2006-09-24T00:37:00.000+08:00

Pictures for your eyes to feast on. All taken by my Nokia N73. Not bad eh?

*Roar* Don't be afraid. That's my daddy. LoL. He's tanned isn't he? A lot of people mistook him for a Malay. Some people probably thought my mum married a Muslim. hur hur.

My advanced birthday present from my sister. A 5-legged octopus. It's from Ikea just in case you're interested to get one for yourself.

Junk food! Mos Burger. Spicy Mos Cheeseburger and fries. Francis loves their chunky fries. We didn't order my favourite Garlic n Lemon mussels this time. If you go to Mos you MUST try them!

Tako Pachi - Octopus Balls! Heh heh. It has increased in price, $2.20 for 3 balls. Pasar Malam sells 3 for $2.00 only. =X

The Way You Look at Me

2006-09-20T23:49:00.000+08:00

No one ever saw me like you do
All the things that I could add up too
I never knew just what a smile was worth
But your eyes see everything without a single word

'Cause there's something in the way you look at me
It's as if my heart knows you're the missing piece
You make me believe that there's nothing in this world I can't be
I never know what you see
But there's something in the way you look at me

If I could freeze a moment in my mind
It'll be the second that you touch your lips to mine
I'd like to stop the clock, make time stand still
'Cause, baby, this is just the way I always wanna feel

I don't know how or why I feel different in your eyes
All I know is it happens every time

Nua

2006-09-10T22:18:00.000+08:00

I've been working non stop since last Monday and the recent Friday. Never thought I'd be able to pull through it, but hey! I did! Together with my crankiness, brain-jam, and many other things that happened in the office. But I'M SO GLAD IT'S OVER.

Time for a new beginning.

Making preparations for my chalet (I am so glad I started early). Those whom I'm inviting have either gotten an unofficial invite from me through word-of-mouth, or will receive an invitation soon. It's going to be a great chance for friends to meet up and catch up. =)

Am so lazy to blog.

*Poof*

Birkenstocks Spree Sept 06!

2006-08-27T23:17:00.000+08:00

Another Birksenstocks Spree!
So far I've already gotten enough (pending) orders for free shipping, so not much to worry. Of course the shoes will be sent to my place, then I'll distribute from there.
The website to look at the shoes is FootShopping. To place your orders, simply drop me an e-mail (chrystalbutterfly@gmail.com), SMS me, or MSN me. The details you should give me are:
1. Your Name
2. Model
3. Shoe Size
4. Width (Narrow/Regular/Medium)

Whichever way you place your order, please make sure that you have my acknowledgment to ensure that I have seen the order. You know how sometimes your e-mail might be thought as spam and chucked into my Spam folder, or how some SMSes we send never seem to get through to the other side, or sometimes when you leave a message on MSN and I never get to see it cause of connection problems. You get the idea.

Payment is preferred immediately either after you have sent the order or after my acknowledgement. For POSB transfers, send the amount to POSB Savings account 136-40496-2 and quote the transaction reference. If you want to pay it later, make sure you do it before the closing date.

I'm targeting the closing date for orders to be the end of the first week of September. So that the shoes can come in at least by the 3rd week. So Shoo (pun intended)! Go place your orders now~!

Happy 21st Li Ann!

2006-08-26T18:30:00.000+08:00

To my dearest Sissie...Lots of Love,
Sissie! *Muacks*

and of course, how can I forgot my cute Ouch Kor kor. Happy Birthday Huat Zai!!!

2006-08-24T15:45:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since I've blogged, I know.
I thought of changing my blogskin again, cause am kinda sick of this one. Yet I'm also too lazy to either do up one or look for one.
Been down with a painful sorethroat over the weekend, subsequently got a fever and was out of work for 2 days. Now I'm experiencing the croaking voice and blocked nose syndrome.
Thanks to the almost 24 hours of rest for the 2 days I was in bed, otherwise I think I'd be in a worse state.

So here I am back in the office again trying to finish up what's needed for the month before the Comex 2006 begins on 31 August 2006. Anyway for those who are interested, it's at the Singapore Expo this time at Halls 4, 5 & 6.
It lasts for 4 days until 3rd September and opens everyday from 12noon to 9pm. After that can go Simpang Bedok and makan? Hur hur.

Revived

2006-06-23T10:35:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry readers, ever since I started on my new job, my blog has kinda like vanished from my memory. It was only recently when a friend mentioned her blog that I was reminded of mine. Yep, so here I am reviving my blog that has been buried in cobwebs and dusts.

So far work has been quite good for me. I'm enjoying it, and everyday I go home feeling that I've fulfilled my purpose of living for the day. At least it hasn't been wasted away. So far, I have really learnt a lot. Not only the things that I need to do, but also on the EQ aspect. Learning how to be tolerant of others, learning how to let go, and most importantly, to accept that some people with attitude problems and what-nots are already hopeless, and because nothing can change that, I just have to smile at it (or secretly laugh at what a failure they have been). Gees, I'm evil.

So anyway, yeah. Life is good. So fast and half a year is gone, think faster than during my A level year. Hur hur. Speaking of A levels, I just went back to collect my cert, and they didn't show my excellent AB grade! BoOoo... But well, although I didn't do well enough, at least right now I am doing what I enjoy, and am good at it.

Till the next time I blog again!

Trying

2006-06-09T21:51:00.000+08:00

Honestly, I'm blogging for the sake of entertaining those who read my blog. I really appreciate it, because you people make my blog stay alive. I can type many entries, but if nobody ever reads it, it's as good as being non-existent. Most of the time now when I blog, it's about my feelings, my mood, my thoughts, all the real stuff. No made-up fictional characters, lies, or anything non-original.

I've been learning a lot these few months, learning how to be tolerant, learning how to control my emotions better, learning how to build stronger relationships with people, learning how to be closer to God, learning how to survive in the real world, most of which I owe to someone very special. Yet unfortunately, sometimes the stronger your relationship with someone, the more vulnerable you are. You trust that the person whom you expose your vulnerability to protects it. The more you trust, the more your weaker side is exposed, the more likely you're gonna be hurt.

Some time in our lives, we meet someone who changes us a lot. Suddenly life regains meaning for you, and everyday you strive to make yourself a better person. Sometimes we try to do the same for the other party, to make him/her a better person. Not because we want that person to be moulded into this way, but because we think it will benefit his/her peers. But things don't turn out the way you *hoped* it would. So yeah, that kinda sucks I guess.

Some people give up and leave, some people choose to stay. What would you choose?

For me, I choose to hold on. I choose to try and make things better. I want to try.

Ouran High School Host Club

2006-05-26T16:03:00.000+08:00

I found a new anime to watch! It's called Ouran High School Host Club. Basically it's about this group of good looking and rich high school guys who set up this club to entertain rich girls and make a profit off them. So one day this pauper guy who was able to enrol in this rich-brat high school accidentally entered the room where the Host Club has it's meetings. So they find him good looking and decided to recruit him as well (and also to pay his debt after accidentally breaking a very expensive piece of auction piece). But this guy is actually a girl, as they later find out in the first episode.

Damn funny can! So homo and stuff... Wahaha... Do check it out on Youtube!

I am not critical

2006-05-24T18:47:00.000+08:00

I am not critical. =(

It really sucks being stuck in this silly shop the entire day, with maybe only a handful of customers who walk in. But I don't feel related to them. They don't feel familiar.

On the train on my way home, it's strangers again. Nobody I can really chit chat with. I can't even close my eyes to catch some sleep.

But at the end of the day, I just want to see you to know that nobody has deserted me.

At the end of the day, I just want to be in your arms to know that I am safe and protected.

At the end of the day, I just want to hold your hands to know that you have not left me.

At the end of the day, I just want a hug or a kiss to know I'm still being loved and missed.

But just this particular end of the day... I really wanted so much all of these...

But at the end of today...

Nil.

But it's not your fault. I don't blame you. I will try to understand and compromise.

Because at the end of every day, I love you more.

Bleach Episode 80!

2006-05-19T21:58:00.000+08:00

Yay! Bleach episode 80 is out! Was trying out my luck at some Bleach fansite when they announced that it was out, so I spent 40 minutes of work time watching it on Youtube. Hur hur. For those who are as crazy over Bleach as me... *cheers*

More than Words

2006-05-15T18:18:00.000+08:00

It is easy to say things like "I love you," "I am sorry," "thank you very much." But how often do we say such things to somebody and really mean what we say? When I finally realised that I wanted to say it, it suddenly became so difficult for me to open my mouth and speak those words. Yet, I know I really meant what I so much wanted to say.

Sometimes people want to hear those words, just to be comforted or to feel better. It may not come sincerely from the heart, but just hearing them was good enough. And yet, when one really feels deep and true, it is not necessary to speak out or let them be known, because the other party can already feel the depth of thought and feeling.

And all you had to do was look me in the eyes and say, "I know."

At that moment, it wasn't important to voice out my thoughts and feelings, because you already felt it in your heart and knew those words.

Just between you and I.

Watashi Wa...

2006-05-15T01:20:00.000+08:00

I have decided to officially pick up Japanese. Initially I thought of simply learning conversational Japanese, but I guess Jemimah has gotten me into learning how to read and write Japanese as well. The main factor that triggered me to learn the language is so that I can at least watch anime and Japanese films/shows without having to read them. It'll be quite a motivation to be able to catch some phrases and understand what the characters are saying.

Shall not give up learning it halfway and let this become a "in the spur of the moment" thing. Gambate!

I Want My Birkenstocks!

2006-05-12T18:41:00.000+08:00

An e-mail I received yesterday...

"Dear customer,
your order of Birkenstock articles has been shipped yesterday with DHL.

Kind regards
Natürlich Footshop GmbH"

Yay! Which means the shoes are most likely to come as early as next week! *Cheers* I hope they come really soon, because my shoes are falling apart and I don't want to buy new ones since the Birks are arriving soon anyway.

Confirmed Orders

2006-05-08T11:26:00.000+08:00

Here's the list of confirmed orders. Order has already been made yesterday (7 May) afternoon. Delivery will take 16 to 20 days to arrive. Meanwhile, for those who have not paid, please transfer the amount due to POSB Savings account 136-40496-2. It would be good to email me once you have done so, so that I know who has paid and who has not. Once the orders have arrived, you'll be informed.

Chrystal
Florida Virgin Whisper White, Size 36, Narrow, $71.62 (PAID)

Li Ann
Gizeh Silver, Size 36, Narrow, $76.61 (PAID)

Melissa
Tabora Baroque Art Cedar, Size 38, Regular, $83.57 (PAID)

Nicole
Florida Ethno Black Patent, Size 37, Narrow, $71.62 (PAID)
Madrid Bicolor Red, Size 40, Narrow, $54.79 (PAID)
Marid Golden-Brown, Size 39, Narrow, $55.69 (PAID)

Politically Incorrect

2006-05-06T18:14:00.000+08:00

Today's General Elections Polling Day, which comes once every 5 years. I don't know if it's because I've grown to be more aware of issues, but somehow this year's GE suddenly seems very "happening". So much so that it is impossible for even the politically apathetic Singaporean not to know at least something about it.

I attended the Workers' Party rally held at Tampines on the recent Wednesday. It was the first and the only rally I've attended for this year's GE. Quite an experience I guess. After hearing so much about the overwhelming response at WP's Hougang rally, I couldn't help but want to go down and experience the atmosphere myself. Shall not comment too much about it because I'm simply too lazy to and would not like indulge in too much of political debate/discussion. To sum it up I would say it was a very interesting, fulfilling, close-to-heart rally.

It was raining earlier in the day I reckoned, for we all got our feet soaked in the mud. I had to reluctantly bid my pair of fake birks farewell when my mum was exclaiming how worn out they look, even if I didn't soil them. I got a few insect bites as well. Ouch.

But still it was a good experience for me. At least, I am not politically apathetic?

Birkenstocks Spree!

2006-04-29T11:40:00.000+08:00

Updates: The last day for orders will be next Friday, 5th of May. After which, I'll contact you peeps on the total amount to be transferred.

I'm organising a Birkenstocks Spree, which will be from FootShopping.
For sizes, you can drop by Birkenstocks at Wheelock Place (alight at Orchard MRT) and try them out at the shop. In the incident where the size is not right or any other reason that you may require an exchange, I will not take responsibility of it. Hence it is your job to ensure that you have given me the correct size and model during your order.

The shipping as given in the website is SGD29.90 per pair. However, if we are able to get a total order of more than SGD249, free shipping is provided. Hence, you will only need to pay for the cost of the shoes. I believe that there are additional taxes to be included in the cost, but that will be confirmed once order has been made.

Once the shoes have arrived, I will contact you and either arrange a meet-up (location at seller's convenience) or a postage. Postage will be covered by the buyer.

You may e-mail me at chrystalbutterfly@gmail.com with your order. Please state:
Name
Contact number
Model
Size
Width
Quantity

Once orders have been confirmed, I will then SMS/e-mail you with the total amount to be paid to me. If payment is not received within 3 days of notice, I will take it that you are no longer interested and will cancel the order. In the event where you require more time to raise the money or do the transfer, please contact me for discussion. If I wait too long, this will be very unfair to the other buyers who have paid up promptly and are waiting excitedly for the arrival of the shoes.

You can also e-mail me at the same address for enquiries. I hope to hear from your response soon. Keep checking back for updates! =)

Logic & Emotion

2006-04-23T23:44:00.000+08:00

I believe that all of us have experienced a situation where we face a conflict between what our mind tells us to do, and what our heart wants us to do. A lot of times this happens in relationships. Sounds more logical to leave him, yet you still love him despite all the nonsense he has done to you. You know you shouldn't do this because of the risks and facts that you are aware of, yet you still go ahead because you feel you should and want to do so.

How do we actually decide which to follow? The mind may not be right always. Yet by doing something on impulse, we may regret even more. You're angry, and you shouldn't hit that guy. But you can't tolerate any longer and beat him to pulp anyway.

We won't know if we made the right decision, whether to follow our heart or mind, because we can only choose one path. You can't go back and decide to take the other path. So you have only two choices - to regret or to believe that you have made the better choice.

Me?

Of course I'd rather believe that I have made the right choice. And I trust you that I did. So I won't regret.

Just that, the mind and heart are conflicting once again.

Eggs & Bunnies

2006-04-19T17:21:00.000+08:00

As requested, it's time to revive my blog (hey my last post was only a week ago what!). I haven't been feeling very well since last week. Something's wrong. Here are my symptoms:

Appetite loss
Stomach discomfort (just doesn't feel right)
Diarrhoea (last week)
Constipation (this week)
Nausea/Vomiting
Pain at the lower left
Dull pain at where you have gastric, accompanied by tightness of chest

Finally headed to the doctor's on Monday, and the doctor diagnosed me with Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS) also known as spastic colon. So my digestive system can't really digest food the way normal people do, which explains how I can have diarrhoea one day and constipation the next. Doctor wants to arrange a scope to exclude any other more serious disorders that may mimic symptoms of IBS. I feel er xin now. LoL.

Disclaimer: Blog entry titles can be misleading.

Fixing a Big Picture

2006-04-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

Actually, I have no idea what to blog about. I just figured that you might be visiting my blog everyday hoping to read something new. Alright, so here we go.

It can be difficult to differentiate fact from fiction. Most of the time, what we believe in are influenced by society and by the people around us. Some of the things we believe may not be true, while some are simply a distortion of the truth. As you grow older and learn more, you discover a different part of the same story you've known for years. What you already know makes a lot of sense because you were young and influential, therefore it has made a deep impression in your mind. But because you are older now, you try to keep an open mind and listen to new ideas. This eventually results in confusion. You know putting both pieces of evidence together don't make sense, so you have to choose which ones you're going to fix into your big picture. How do you choose?

The problem is, the more you try to reason out, the more perplexed it becomes and you suddenly wish that everything was so simple. That someone would come and tell you, "Hey the truth's like this..." So eventually, you decide to stop to think and wish that everything would just fall nicely into place without doing anything.

The truth is - the truth hurts.

The Importance of Sleep

2006-04-04T13:48:00.000+08:00

A man can go two weeks without eating but if he doesn't rest at all, he can only survive for one week.

Sleeping provides us the time to rest our internal organs, eyes and brains. Poor sleep quality can cause internal damage to our internal organs and brains therefore, sleeping is very important to us. If you wish to have a long life and stay healthy, please take note of the advice below.

5 DON'TS when you are sleeping：

1) DON'T SLEEP WITH WATCH
Watches can emit a certain level of radioactivity. Though small, but if you wear your watch to bed for a long time, it might have adverse effects on your health.

2) DON'T SLEEP WITH BRA
Scientists in America have discovered those that wear bras for more than 12 hours have a higher risk of getting breast cancer. So go to bed without it. (Really meh)

3) DON'T SLEEP WITH PHONE
Putting the phone beside your bed or anywhere near you is not encouraged. Though some of us will use phones as alarm clocks, but please put the phone as far as possible. Scientists have proved that electrical items including mobile phone and television sets emit magnetic waves when used. These waves can cause disruptions to our nervous system. Therefore if you need to put your mobile phone near you, switch it off first.

4) DON'T SLEEP WITH MAKE-UP
People who sleep with make up might have skin problems in the long run. Sleeping with make up will cause the skin to have difficulty in breathing and problem in perspiring. You will also need a much longer time to go into deep sleep.

5) DON'T SLEEP WITH OTHERS' WIFE
You may never wake up again.

Bonding, Bore-nding

2006-04-02T10:20:00.000+08:00

Third Floor shop's gonna be undergoing renovation, so there was a lot of moving of things yesterday. Headed to Clarke Quay for dinner with my colleagues. A supposed bonding session I guess, especially for the ones who haven't been getting along well. But I guess everyone's better now... The food was really good. I think it was this Indonesian-Chinese restaurant.

Headed for a KTV session after that. There are two main categories of people you will find at a KTV lounge/pub - Those who can sing, and those who can't. Under the latter category, there is also a breakdown of 2 groups. Let's begin with the humble ones. These are people who can't sing, but know their limits. Hence, they choose songs which are milder, so that they won't sound so bad. They may also only sing during the right moments, when the whole room sings together. They know they may not sing as well as the others, but recognise that not everyone sings well. These are people who can be forgiven. Now let's move on to the next group...

There are people who think they can sing, but cannot really sing. These are the hopeless ones, who are either ignorant of their imperfection because of complacency, or they are simply tone deaf and cannot tell. The worse cases are the microphone-hoggers, who sing song after song, thinking he/she is in his/her own concert and that everyone else around is enjoying the show, while in fact, there are people hoping they would go deaf on his singing so they won't have to be tortured. It becomes less tolerable when he/she starts criticising those who can sing. Example of those who fall under this sub-category - just watch American Idol, Singapore Idol, or whichever singing competitions that allow you to watch the auditions. It's hilarious, but not when you're at a KTV n it happens all the time.

It's a wonderful Sunday morning, and I feel really sick right now, because I probably haven't been having enough sleep. I know it's my own fault. *Sigh* Shall catch some sleep later on at his place. Quite a number of things have happened, and I shall try to blog about them soon.

Meanwhile, anybody wants to go KTV? =D

Paid to Slack

2006-04-01T15:23:00.000+08:00

After publishing my last post, I received a phonecall from my ex-boss, who offered me a job at Sharp on the 5th floor of Funan. No pressure job, "can sell then sell, cannot sell then nevermind lor." Obviously I agreed. So here I am on my 4th day at work. (Is this counted as my third job or a sequel to my second job?)

The good news is, I get to sit at the computer for the entire day. Surf net, play OZ, MSN, blog, watch VCDs, listen to mp3.
The bad news is, I'm all alone here! Everyone's downstairs, so I have nobody to talk to, except next door? (Like as if they very free like that!)

The number of walk-in customers a day is at most 5. That is inclusive of people who bother to stop and look at our ads outside the shop. So as you can see, sales over here is not very good, don't even bother mentioning commission. But I'm fine with this arrangement anyway. Getting paid to do things I do at home. Hur hur.

The drawback would probably be that I'm spending less time with my brother, unlike after I quit my job at AG World. I can't watch cartoons with him too. The one with the two fat hippos. I can't remember the name. And Hi-5.

I can't wake up at 2pm anymore, neither can I sleep at 4am (my bf makes a lot of noise about it). It was bf's suggestion to ask me to work here. Gees.

Another bad news for those who read my blog is, I'll probably be blogging less. N as much as I will try to blog often, it's rare to find interesting entries because I spend most of my time here in the office staring at myself, counting the number of people who walk past, answer phone calls, drink water, count the number of fingers and toes I have, decide what to eat for lunch & dinner, inwardly criticise at girls who have no boobs, but dress up in a way to magnify their imperfection, look at what people who walked by have bought, stare at the uncle who collects rubbish from the bin, daah dahh dahh...

Well, at least I won't get sick of seeing Fan Shu everyday right?

I sold a copier earlier in the day.

I wonder why people come to Funan to buy things from Challenger, when you can get it at a lower rate at the many other shops here? Duh.

Man can be really smart yet stupid at the same time. Life example - ME.

My bf reminded me that computers are not stupid, because Man invented them.

Have you wondered if having big boobs is considered an imperfection, not small boobs? HmMmmm...

Okay you bored homosapiens, this is the end of my blog entry. Go find some other form of amusement.

Happy Birthday to Mummy & Jared!

2006-03-28T12:30:00.000+08:00

Today's the birthday of mummy and Jared. Such a coincidence that they share the same birthday eh? Brought Jared out with Daddy and got 3 tops and a pair of pants for him from Giodarno Junior. Walked around a bit, had ice cream at Swensens! Jared ordered a Cookie Summit, that was really filling, although I loved the maltesers they put inside. Bought a Concorde at Sweet Secrets, with 2 big candles. Here's some pictures taken from our little celebration.

The birthday cake - Concorde from Sweet Secrets! Chocolate Fudge cake with rolls of [Fill in the blank here] and lots of icing! Yummy! Not to forget the two big candles representing our two birthday babies!

Make a wish, make a wish... Then you blow the candles! Does anyone know the significance of candles on birthday cakes? Hmmm... That's FOOD for thought. Wahaha...

Of course after everything it's time to eat the cake! *ChoMp* The two birthday babies cutting the cake, then we realised that we forgot to remove the plastic strip around the cake. Oops. =X

And here you go! The two birthday babies, Jared and Mummy! Don't they look alike? Yeah, I resemble my mum too. Cakes anyone? *cHomp*

Just Do It!

2006-03-27T01:39:00.000+08:00

I was showing Francis some photographs of myself back in primary and secondary school. When he saw my P6 prom night pictures he remarked, "You were so skinny then!" I am not going to post up any pictures for the time being. Then when it went on to secondary school, I was either just nice or suddenly putting on weight. Then I showed him my pre-u seminar pictures at NUS, and I was somewhere in the middle of my primary and secondary school size. Then I was stoning in front of my computer and took the digital camera and started snapping pictures of myself (yes I am self-obsessed!). Then I realised, OH NO! I AM GETTING FAT.

I can't blame my bf for that. He's been trying (VERY) hard to stop me from consuming too much junk food that will not only make me put on MORE weight, but make me sick too. Been feeling very heaty for the past couple of weeks. Let's just face it. When you get attached, you tend to lose some attention on the way you look and dress. You don't really care if people notice that layer of flab on your tummy, or if your thighs look big in that pair of shorts. It's basically just bo chap because only bf see what. Let other guys see also no use mah. That's it. WRONG MINDSET.

So I've put on 2kg, from the last time I did my regular swimming and lost. I think I looked really great then because I had a relatively well-kempt mane, a chubby face that wouldn't make my eyes turn into slits whenever I smiled, I had a somewhat reasonably toned tummy and arms. I could eat junk food once in a while. Everywhere I went, people were looking at me. Most importantly, I felt good about looking good and appealing.

It's high time I bring that feeling back, before like my bf says "You reaching 60kg soon!" ZzZzz... He's way heavier and "meatier" but let's not go there... yet. So here's the deal. Swimming/jogging/tennis thrice a week. No excuses. Can we skip the body toning part until I've gotten the momentum? Yeah. Proper meals. Small lunch, small tea, small dinner. No supper, only a cup of iced milo the most.

Once I succeed, it's bf's turn. Muahaha.

I'm sleepy. Toodles!

Jigsaw - The Missing Piece

2006-03-24T02:19:00.000+08:00

Bought this jigsaw puzzle at Tampines Pasar Malam. Only $2.50! Wahaha. Spent days finishing it. Here's a few pictures to entertain you bored people. *Sheepish smile*

Day 1. Done up the outlines, with a few missing pieces here and there. Had a hard time figuring where's the head and tail. LoL. Done pieces here and there...

Day 2: More or less everything looks more organised. Finally figured where the head and tail is. I starting working on it from like 12midnight all the way to 4am. =X

And finally the completed work!

Ah, didn't have the time to take a picture. Will do it asap I promise! Cause I couldn't find that last one missing piece, until my smart observant brother found it today! Yay! So I shall show you the final piece with the frame, on my wall... soon. =D

V for Vendetta Part II

2006-03-23T23:24:00.000+08:00

Found something more online to confirm the intepretation... The first stanza was actually narrated in the opening of the movie...

Remember, remember the fifth of November
The gunpowder treason and plot.
I see no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, 'twas his intent
To blow up king and parliament.
Three score barrels were laid below
To prove old England's overthrow.

By God's mercy he was catched
With a dark lantern and lighted match.
Holler boys, holler boys, let the bells ring
Holler boys, holler boys, God save the King.

Remember, remember - The fifth of November

2006-03-22T03:19:00.000+08:00

Watched V for Vendetta today. Initially I thought it was just another superhero-villian kinda show. Then after reading the sypnosis I expected it to be some robin hood save the world kinda story. It turned out to be nothing of that boring sort! It's one of the best films I've caught this year, save for Fun with Dick & Jane.

V for Vendetta is kinda like a futuristic film. It's basically about how this guy seeks revenge by plotting this revolution again the British government. That's how the story line goes. A few ideas prevalent in the movie. One of which is about the government. "The people should not be afraid of the government, but the government should be afraid of the people." Despite us living under a democratic government, where our views and opinions matter, the ultimate decision maker is still the government. Yet, it is the people who shape the government, no?

There is actually this scene played out of this guy giving his speech and there's this whole crowd rejoicing and shouting in support of him. Something about V saying that the people become more aggressive. I thought I was the only one who noticed it, but Francis also saw that it beared a resemblance to Hitler. Is it intentional that they wanted to portray the dictatorship system under the British Chancellor (think, Hitler was Chancellor of Germany)?

There's also some mention of the avian flu, terrorism, spread of diseases and such. In the end, what we should be truly afraid of are not these (though are still a result of the folly of Man). Rather, it is ourselves that we should be most afraid of. V's revolution involved chaos, confusion, destruction (of buildings). At the end of the day, we are just destroying ourselves.

Speaking about buildings. There was mention that a building becomes the foundation of the people's believes. So when the building is destroyed, people find themselves lost. Quite true isn't it? Think the fall of the Twin Towers.

I looked up the definition of Vendetta on dictionary.com...

A feud between two families or clans that arises out of a slaying and is perpetuated by retaliatory acts of revenge; a blood feud.
A bitter, destructive feud.
A feud in which members of the opposing parties murder each other.

He was seeking revenge. The government VS its people. Who are we against really? Ourselves.

Oh and something interesting to think about. This happened in 1605 on the 5th of November.

1605 - Gunpowder Plot: A plot led by Robert Catesby to blow up the English Houses of Parliament is foiled when Sir Thomas Knyvet, a justice of the peace, find Guy Fawkes in a cellar below the Parliament building.

If I am not mistaken, the film opens with a scene in 1605. The Parliament building was blown up by the planting of nitrogen fertilizers in the subway. Watch the movie and you will know what I'm talking about.

"Remember remember - the 5th of November."

Safe in a Crazy World

2006-03-21T02:05:00.000+08:00

Was listening to fm93.3 just now, and heard this song by Corrine May. This comes from her debut album and I don't know why I didn't bother to listen to any of her songs. Simple, meangingful lyrics. This one's for you my dear...

I try to smile my tears away
I try to keep my cool
Oh but one more door gets in my way
I feel like such a fool
Trampled and bitter
My heart just wants to bleed and stop
Believing in me

It feels like nothing is for certain
and that nothing comes for free
When they're lowering the curtain
to the theatre of my dreams
I stumble and I crumble and I'm
Sinking to my knees but you
You cradle me

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Noise keeps chasing me
No matter where I go
Oh and life likes pretending that it's
On a TV show
When it's hard to tell what's real
From what the world just wants to preach
You are the voice I seek

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world

'cause when I'm wrapped up in your arms
Nothing else can touch me
What a wonderful way to recharge
I feel like I can breathe again

You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms I find the strength
to believe in me again

Pictures are Up!

2006-03-20T14:42:00.000+08:00

Updates
I've done a few changes to my blog if you have noticed. I am kind of lazy to go look for a new template, and haven't got sick of this one yet. Nice unique design don't you think so? =)

So I've done up a shoutbox for you peeps to leave any comments or complaints, or just rant and say hi. Joyce has been pestering me to get one up for like, the past 3 weeks? LoL. Yep, so here it is girl, and you'd better make full use of it! Done it especially for you okay? =X

I've uploaded some pictures too, so feel free to browse around. There's pictures of my JC friends, bestie and of course my family. Haven't had a chance to take a nice photo with him, so don't expect to find it in my Flickr album okay. LoL.

The Dinner
I met his family for dinner last Friday at Ang Mo Kio (yes I know very far!). I was quite nervous prior to the meeting, because there was going to be like a full table of people there - his parents, his sister & hubby, his brother & gf, his mummy's friend. On top of that, I've never really met any of the families of my past bfs. Probably said hi and stuff when I went over, but never really properly sat down for a chat with the family. I know it's funny for someone like me to be scared. Like, HELLO CHRYSTAL. You perform on stage, and make speeches and emcee concerts. What's there to be scared of. I guess I was afraid that his family wouldn't like me or something.

But guess what, the initial awkwardness quickly faded away as we became more comfortable with each other. So I guess I clicked well with the family? Then his mother asked how we met and how we got together. Very pai seh can! I was the one who had to answer, because my silly boyfriend was busy eating his crabs. Bleah. Yeah so I got over it. I'm just so glad I didn't have to answer the "why you like him" question.

So yeah, that's about it for the dinner part. I'm glad it's over! The food was good, I was super filled my stomach felt like it was bursting.

Sunday
Yesterday was kinda like boyfriend day. Woke up at 9.30am to prepare for Church. We went to Life Sanctuary at Hougang, where his uncle is there as one of the pastors. I've never really went to a church before, except Sunday school. But that was eons ago! So there was singing and stuff, probably to get everyone into the mood? I felt a bit weird there, I don't know why, but am really awed in some way. Is that counted as a sublime? LoL.

Yeah, so it was the senior pastor who was talking, and he gave quite a thought-provoking speech. Things about how to live your life, not only to build your spiritual life, but these are also things you can apply to your everyday life. So it's kinda like a win-win situation. I guess I kind of enjoyed it.

Said hi to his uncle, who was a really nice guy. Told me about the first button rule. Quite interesting there.

Went for lunch, then tried to nap at his place. Woke up, went for dinner at Mac, strolled in Northpoint which has nothing interesting. Lingered in the arcade, went back to his place. His mum came into the room and talked to me. Moments later his brother came home with the girlfriend. His mum was happy because the house was so lively because of the people around. Said bye bye, went home. =X

Drilling for the Next Couple of Days

2006-03-17T11:43:00.001+08:00

Ever since I've quitted my job and started to slack at home, waking up after most people have gone to work feels great. No alarm clock to remind you that it's the beginning of another dreadful day at work, no dragging of your feet to the bathroom to wash up, no forcing yourself to step out of the house, no squeezing on the train with the rest of the world. Get the idea?

BUT.

It is not nice to be woken up by the sound of drilling. Not one drill but TWO BLOODY IRRITATING drills. The worse thing is that I woke up suddenly, got pulled out of dreamland, without warning. Is that why my dad told me to wake up earlier today? I was told that the drilling is going to continue for the next 2 days. Sunday would be alright for me, I'll be out of the house before they probably can get their asses into the house. Maybe I should go cycling tomorrow morning at ECP or something, or go out for lunch and go for coffee. Is anybody interested? I'm going crazy by this drilling I can't even shit in the toilet properly (I think my neighbours upstairs are renovating the kitchen and toilet). AND YES, I'm serious!

What a wonderful start to my day. I'm entertaining my bf with my rants and complaints. Duh.

"What is tolerance? -- it is the consequence of humanity. We are all formed of frailty and error; let us pardon reciprocally each other's folly -- that is the first law of nature." - Voltaire

Human folly indeed.

This Old Man

2006-02-16T01:27:00.000+08:00

As promised, I'm going to post an entry about my V Day celebration with my boyfriend.
We didn't celebrate it on the day itself because he had something else on, also postponed in order to skip the crowd.

So I didn't know where he was going to bring me for dinner, but after work he hinted that he was going to bring me to eat my favourite food. Yes! We went to Pizza Hut. I've never had that for a couple of months already. I was quite pleased that he actually remembers that I love pizza. We had a lot of food. A regular cheesy lava pizza in Hawaiian Lover's, baked beefballs, garlic bread, soup and shared a pitcher of pepsi. Was super full after the dinner... *Burp*

So after that we went for a stroll and settled at a place to exchange gifts. Haha, he couldn't guess what I gave him. It was kinda last minute when I took out the 2 packets of Hershey's kisses and poured them into the box of chocolates I made for him. Yes, I've been spending the pass few nights making the chocolates. I kept checking on them the whole day to make sure they didn't melt and disfigure. Thankfully they survived the entire day! Whee!

It wasn't very well-lit at where we were, so I couldn't make out clearly what he gave me. It was a jewellery box that he bought from Korea. Very nice and unique. What I didn't expect from him was that he had put a necklace and a pair of earrings in one of the drawers and slowly revealed it to me. Was surprised by it and really liked it very much!

The greater surprise came when I got home and took a clearer look of what he gave me. The jewellery box was exotic and very beautiful. Then I pulled out the little drawer and the necklace was shiny and sparkly (like I said I couldn't see well when I first opened it). It is VERY VERY nice. I know you don't believe me because it's given by him anyway. All I can say is, it looks very expensive and matches my Chomel watch (those who have seen it would notice the sparkling stones on the frame of my watch). So I guess this is like a special day accessory kinda thing. But the earrings look more suitable to be worn anytime though. I have an obsession with earrings. Dangly ones especially.

Will either post a photo of the gifts, or just leave the post as it is. Till the next time I post another entry, adios!

Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-14T01:19:00.000+08:00

In life, we cross paths with some people. Some of them may leave a deeper impression on us than others, while we may share a longer duration of friendship with some than with others. Have you ever had someone whom you seldom meet up with, yet still seems to understand you like an old friend? You meet up maybe twice a year on special occasions, like a friend's birthday party, or on the streets while shopping or even out with your other friends. Then when you talk again about your daily life, he or she can say something about you that you may never have noticed about yourself, and you go "hey that's so true!" Isn't it amazing? You don't meet up with him/her often, yet he/she still knows you so well despite not being frequently updated on your life. These type of friends are really difficult to find.

Valentine's Day has always been nothing much of a memory for me. Perhaps the most memorable Valentine's Day for me is ironically the Valentine's Day I don't want to be reminded of as well. He broke up with me for the second time one week before Valentine's Day. During that time where we got together again, I thought it was a chance for things between us to improve. True enough, things did get better, although not for long. He SMSed me, telling me of his intention to break up. Of course, I was utterly hurt. The moment I read the SMS, tears just flowed down my cheeks. I couldn't think properly because I didn't expect that he would do it to me again.

The following week, I requested to meet up with him, so that I could hand to him the present I had already gotten ready. I still remember what Bestie had said to me, "Perhaps this way [of putting so much effort into the gift] will be an avenue of making you feel better, throwing off all the past feelings." I got everything ready and although I knew he didn't get anything for me, I didn't feel disappointed at all. I just wanted to see him and hopefully get him to patch things up with me again.

Of course all these were wishful thinking. He probably felt bad and I thought I saw his eyes well up with tears, although he insisted he was just tired. So we walked a bit, and I wanted to walk with him until he went to meet his friends, but he refused to let me and told me to make my way home. There was nothing much I could do anymore. And as I turned around, tears flowed down my face again. I never felt so hurt, trying to pretend that I would be strong, yet knowing he didn't feel anything for me.

Even till now, I can still vividly remember how I felt. I know I'm not as hurt as I am anymore. I probably just feel disappointed that things didn't work out between us, and I don't know if I'm sane by feeling bad that he [finally] feels that he needs me. All I wish is that he will get over the past soon. It may take more than a year for him, or maybe a few more years to heal the wound, to overcome the regret. I wish him well, and hope that he will find someone who appreciates him for who he is one day.

To my one and only:
I don't know how to describe how much I appreciate you in my life. Your appearance has made me regain a new meaning in life. It is difficult to find a reason to be upset when you're here. Yes, I know I look funny when I'm angry, but it's your smile that makes me feel everything's alright once again. You bring meaning to my laughter. I guess it won't be an easy journey for us ahead, but we will pull through right? Time will tell yeah? And of course on this special day I want to tell you I love you dear. =)

End of CNY

2006-02-13T01:15:00.000+08:00

End of CNY le. Which means that ang bao collection will cease. On the brighter side, it means I can cut my hair and buy new shoes already! My hair is so thick now. It gets thick so quickly. N now I'm actually thinking if I should recolour it, because if I am going to do so, I should cut and colour my hair at the same time. Maybe should do it at the end of the month when I get my pay. Hee.

Anyway, I am not sleeping at this hour because I'm working on a V day gift. I know! It's very last minute right, because I have work and stuff. LoL. I just hope everything will turn out right and he will like it. Shall reveal what I'm giving him on Tuesday or something. Am kinda tired but I haven't finished my job. Hungry too. Been having stomach problems recently, plus aunt red's visit. Grrr...

I love my bf. =X

Fun with Dick and Jane

2006-02-06T14:10:00.000+08:00

Chinese New Year has gone by so quickly. Quite a number of things have actually happened throughout the past couple of weeks.

I watched "Fun with Dick and Jane" last week. At first I thought it would be another of Jim Carrey's silly shows that you laugh and then forget about it. But this film actually came across as a reflection of the US and its economy. Think it's quite a bold move to do so - the unemployment, the representation of the Federal reserves and what is happening to it. Of course, with Jim Carrey around, the plot also has an interesting twist to its conclusion amidst the humour.

Well, there's many other things that have been happening and for some reason I don't feel like blogging about it. I just hope that as time goes by, things will be better and everything will work out. As the Chinese saying goes, when the boat reaches the habour it will naturally be straight.

Gong Xi Fa Cai

2006-01-29T12:28:00.000+08:00

Happy Doggie year!

The first day of Lunar New Year kinda kicked off very well. Had a good night's sleep. Woke up when I heard my uncle and family came into the house. So climbed down my bed, walked out of my room and wished everyone a happy new year (haven't brushed my teeth then). Hur hur.

Only once a year, the whole family (including my uncles) sit together in the kitchen and eat together, while the two kids (my brother and cousin) got chased out into the living room to eat because we didn't have enough chairs to go around. LoL.

It's only 2pm right now, waiting for my gugu and cousins to come over. After which I'm going out! More ang baos! =x

Forever Love

2006-01-23T09:56:00.000+08:00

爱你
不是因为你的美而已
我越来越爱你
每个眼神触动我的心
因为你让我看见forever
才了解自己
未来这些日子要好好珍惜
爱我有些痛苦有些不公平
如果真的爱我
不是理所当然的决定
感到你的呼吸在我耳边
像微风神奇
温柔的安抚
我的不安定
所以我要每天研究
你的笑容
Ooh...多么自然
Forever love
Forever love
我只想用我这一辈子去爱你
从今以后你会是所有
幸福的理由

爱情是场最美最远的旅行
沿途雨季泥泞
偶尔阻碍我们的前进
感到你的体温在我怀里
像阳光和熙
巧妙的融化
我的不安定
不可思议
证明我爱你的理由
Ooh...多么自然
Forever love
Forever love
我只想用我这一辈子去爱你
从今以后你会是所有
幸福的理由

Girls

2006-01-19T12:03:00.000+08:00

Met up with the girls yesterday. Moley bought a lot of clothes! We had dinner at Kenny Roger's. Yummy, I missed the quarter chicken with cheese macaroni and potato salad! It was fun to chat up with the girls again and keep an update on their lives. Mummy's starting work today, and we're all gonna be around City Hall - Dhoby Ghaut area. I gotta visit Moley one day at Kaco (PS). Haven't met them for a month or so, so it was really great to get together again.

Realised I've been blogging mindlessly with nothing much productive... But I really have nothing interesting to blog about. In fact, I think the blog has become a useless channel for friends to keep an update on my life. So many things going on, yet nothing going on (that's the irony you see).

LoL. Shall keep you people updated on the juiciest gossip next time round. So many things to tell you people. Wahaha... ShHhhh... =X

On a final note...
I LOVE MY GIRLS!!!!!!!! Muacks.

Memoirs of a Geisha

2006-01-15T22:25:00.000+08:00

I caught the sneak preview of Memoirs of a Geisha this afternoon. I am extremely impressed! The direction, the filming, the setting, everything done so well. I haven't read the novel actually, but will get my hands on it once my sister finds it (at some corner of our room).

I liked the way Chiyo aka Sayuri was described by her mother. She was like water, it can carve its path through anything, even stone. When it cannot cut through a path, it will find somewhere else to go through.

Young Chiyo so cute, so pretty, so innocent, so angelic. I love her blue eyes (although I know it's just contact lenses).

Dream Big

2006-01-14T01:51:00.000+08:00

I have my voice back and am on the road to recovery. I hate coughs and phlegm. Yucks.

Have been doing some plannings recently, will update with more details when I'm done with it. Meanwhile, nothing much actually. I woke up today and thought it was just mid-week when I realised, "WAH SO FAST FRIDAY LIAO!" My dad heard me and just laughed. Errr?

Time kinda passes very quickly. Everyday go work, and do about the same things actually, just that I serve different customers. Then suddenly the week has gone by just like that. LoL. That also means "the day" will arrive very quickly. But am not going to think too much about it.

Sooooooooo tired.
Things are getting better, improving, progressing. But any further? Time will tell...

Voiceless

2006-01-09T00:55:00.000+08:00

A month since I've started work and I've gained some really bad germs and lost my precious voice to a bad bad cold. I feel extremely miserable to be able to speak, yet cannot speak. *Sigh*

Anyway, bought myself an iPod Nano just last week. Got a good deal on HWZ for a brand new nano at only $360 for a 4GB. Spent $20 on a pink silicon case and a skin, and another $2 for a pair of pink earbuds. I have no idea what to do with my Muvo, but will probably use it as a thumbdrive for the time-being.

Nothing much to update actually, because it's just work. Had a nice chat with Charm the other day she popped by at my workplace during her lunchbreak. Went for dinner with Brian and Nuha on the same day at Swensens, where we enjoyed laughing and munching on some delights. It was kinda like a gathering before Bra went off to Tekong on Thursday.

There's so much else I want to blog about, but decided to keep it to myself and a few other friends. *Sigh* I really hope I can get my voice back real soon! I want to go KTV!

Happy 2006!

2006-01-01T03:52:00.000+08:00

Another of my really rare blog entries. Have been working and not much things have been happening, so nothing much to blog about actually.

Every year I set a few resolutions to accomplish for the following year, but this time I didn't set any for 2006. Reason being there is nothing much for me to plan, until March when I get my results. In a nutshell, I just want the year ahead to be less filled with downs and to spend more time with my family.

Went to watch "The Dark" at TM today. Okay la, not say VERY scary, but I guess it was somewhat interesting. It's actually adapted from the book called "Sheep". Didn't really understand the purpose and meaning of the film, so I guess I'll be able to better intepret it after getting my hands on the book. Meanwhile, I hafta finish reading Phantom before I can read another!

Anyway, I'm really tired, after walking around (and eating so much junk food!). I'm getting fat. I SO need to start on my exercise regime before I gain more than I loss the other time. Anyway, I hope everyone has a great year ahead. May everything be smooth-sailing for all of you!

As much as I may not have the time to catch up with you peeps, you can always give me a call after 8.30 every weekday yeah! Or can meet up for coffee in town.

Happy new year!!!

Hakuna Matata

2005-12-22T02:17:00.000+08:00

I guess this time I'm beginning to understand yet another aspect of life.
I used to tell myself, remind myself, yet I couldn't just get it right.
But now, everything is starting to unfold. Theories don't work until proven.

It took me quite some time to figure this out, but at least I finally did.
I'm going to put everything behind, and start a new phase in life. I'm not going to be weighed down by the awful memories of the past, neither am I going to let my future be affected by these memories. Rather, I will be reminded of the times where I smiled and laughed, without any worries.

Maybe that's why I got this job. It's not an obligation to smile at everyone that walks by the shop or into the shop. But at least it keeps me happy, even if some people don't ever smile back. Putting a smile on my face reminds me to remain optimistic about life.

I never want to go back to the path of darkness ever again, neither do I want to see those around me suffer the way I did.

"You know I can't smile without you, can't smile without you.
I can't laugh and I can't sing, I'm finding it hard to do anything.
You see I feel sad when you're sad
I feel glad when you're glad
If you only knew what I'm going through, I just can't smile without you"

Trying to Tie Up Loose Ends

2005-12-11T19:21:00.000+08:00

Okay, been a long time since I've blogged. But I guess I should "pen" down some thoughts before I go bonkers. LoL.

Work has been okay for me (to those who have always been concerned), kinda enjoy it. I can't really imagine myself stuck in on an office chair with 4 walls facing me all day, doing the same stuffs over and over again. I think I will just die of claustrophobia or something along that line. Haha, those who needs LCD monitor, tv or notebooks, come find me at Funan! =X

There's also something else which I have tried to avoid facing or talking about, simply because I wish to have to memory of it. But I shouldn't do it, it's dillusional, and I should stop doing that. Hur. Somehow I just feel something hasn't been resolved, like no proper ending to a story. Yet I know this is all I can do for myself (or at least for him). So I guess I should stop attempting to do something to make him feel better. I know I can't say sorry, because it's not anyone's fault. Even when 2 paths cross, it has to happen at the right (or wrong) time, if not they will either not meet or squabble or something whatever wrong can happen... Blah blah blah...

It has been a tough journey for me this whole year. Fighting off the emotional torment. But I did it (although I thought I wouldn't ever get out of this). Sometimes, it's good to forget about whatever happened before, because it makes you happier. This is why I chose not to try again.

I have moved on. Have you?

X'mas Month

2005-12-03T23:30:00.000+08:00

It's X'mas in about 3 weeks, a jolly season of thanksgiving and spending quality time with family and friends. Work has started for me, sold 3 LCD monitors and 1 HDD DVD recorder! Not bad for a noob like me eh. Okay la, it's a form of motivation for me I guess, but I am so not used to standing for so long, unlike back in sec 4 after my O levels where I had to stand around the whole day as well. Maybe I'm getting lousy in fitness. =X

Will be working there for another few months or more, so I guess I do have to keep a positive attitude. I kinda enjoy it. Only there for 3 days and I learnt quite a lot from my colleagues. But I think I will get really sick of Funan and Sim Lim now? Haha... Okay la, got pizza hut!

Anyway, I don't know when I will be posting next time, because I've been so tired recently. And I've been trying to catch up on lost sleep. Haven't been able to sleep really well, some of you will know why. Or maybe I am just thinking too much la... bleahs.

Duh.

Why I Love Sundays

2005-11-27T19:42:00.000+08:00

I used to dread Sundays a lot, mainly because it marked the end of my weekend and the impending start of another tiring and busy week. Half of my weekend would be dedicated to catching on my beauty sleep, while only a quarter is reserved for going out with my friends and family.

Well, but since I don't have to go to school anymore for a long period of time, there's 1001 reasons why I love Sundays.

1. It's Family Day!
Yeah, I always like to reserve Sundays for my family. It will be Dad's only off-day if he has OT on Saturdays, Mum's only off-day too and Sis comes home from school on this day too. This means Mum cooks a lot of food for the family and it's probably the only time we can sit together as a family and eat and crap (and make fun of my younger brother). It's also the only time I can get mum to cook my favourite dish, usually my favourite sambal stuffed fish or sambal chicken. Yummy! This like the top reason why I love Sundays so much.

2. My Date With a Vampire III
My favourite show with only 2 episodes per week. Even if I have to wake up early the next day, I will still watch it until 1am!

3. Payday!
LoL. Actually it's the day when I get my allowance from daddy. Heh. Most of the time I'm broke by Friday so I guess Sunday is the day when my bank is replenish. But I'm learning to be thrifty and learning not to anyhow spend okay!

Okay that's about it. More to come... I am tired!

PS: Sissie asked me to blog.

Updates

2005-11-22T20:08:00.000+08:00

It's been some time since I've blogged so shall do some updates to whoever reads my blog.

Template has been changed. Was searching for templates with butterflies but stumbled upon this, which is a "butterfly bars" template. Thought it looked fresh and funky, so decided to use it.

Life has been so-so, been a bit boring lately because I've been staying at home and probably wasting my life away. But today I found myself a job! So from december 1st onwards I won't be so idle. Heh.

I've adopted 5 gouramis too and I guess I've become more responsible towards my pets. And my sister wants to adopt a hamster too. Wah going to be so busy! >,<

And other stuff happened. Stuff which is kinda unpleasant to talk about, or rather I don't want to bring it up now that I've decided to put it behind me. Let's just say my ex and I have already made a proper ending to the things that has been going on all this while. I know he won't be feeling any better, but I'm looking forward to the day when he'll call me up and tell me he's moved on and found himself a new girl who's sweet like honey.

As for me, life is single as usual, but I'm enjoying it quite well, although sometimes it really feels depressing to find myself walking alone on the streets and look at couples with envy. But it's part and parcel of being single right? I mean, when you're attached you sometimes long to be free and single too.

This ah lian was like staring at me on the bus today. She was sucking on her candy cane and just stared at me la - hen I was boarding the bus, when I was on the bus, and when I was alighting the bus. I think she totally ruined the whole idea of pink. It was damn digusting la. If you want to wear sneakers, wear ankle socks can? And if you want the jap look, wear HIGH socks, not socks that are like in the middle of nowhere. And you so do not look cute in your pink wear and candycane! Diao simi diao!

I know I got bigger boobs than you, but don't need to stare like that can? Not happy go add silicon to yours la! And I know my big eyes with double eyelids are damn attractive and seductive, so no matter how hard you stare, yours won't grow any bigger, neither will you suddenly develop double eyelids (maybe your eyes will only pop out from staring too hard). So, either get the fako ones, or live with it! And I know you're super jealous of my figure, that I look good in short skirts, so either starve urself until you get your ideal shape or move your lazy ass and exercise la!

Stupid ah lian.

Temporary Closure

2005-11-14T01:44:00.000+08:00

Will not be blogging for a while until at least the exams end (and no it's not because I'm making time to mug).

It's been a long tough struggle with myself. It's worse than struggling with those around me.
Yet I have made this decision and shall stick to it and won't regret it.
One day, I'm going to prove it.

Thoughts Many Many

2005-10-28T04:23:00.000+08:00

It's such an insane hour for me to blog, but I've been going to bed at this timing for the past couple of weeks. Been wanting to blog since I-don't-know-when, but sometimes it's really difficult to put my million thoughts into words. Sometimes even after putting them down into words, I don't understand what I'm talking about, and perhaps of my IC (not identity card) I'm afraid of what people might say. I know many of you out there will talk me out of my choices, because it's not something everyone will take, and definitely not a safe bet (besides, when was gambling 100%?).

For the past few weeks, I guess I've been able to spend even more time with myself, giving myself enough space while mugging for the so-called-supposedly MAJOR exams. I can't believe I just realised this after TWO freaking years of education in TPJC. I think I've made a wrong choice going into a JC. It's not the freaking-out-cause-A-levels-are-coming syndrome; I'm not stressed at all (and I'm way more than comfortable with this feeling).

I had a wrong perspective and outlook of my path/life. Totally wrong and I can't believe I just found out like when it's nearing the damn exams. Sometimes it just happens, you realise something only at the last minute. I don't understand why I heeded people's advice 1 1/2 years ago to choose something that wasn't what I really wanted. I had that choice to choose what I wanted, they gave me the chance, and God knows why I rejected that offer (maybe because of my fever that kind made me go sot). Or maybe because I couldn't bear to burden my parents with the hefty sum of school fees.

JC was government-aided, therefore school fees are way more affordable. Silly I was to put money in front of my happiness. See what money does to people, it makes you go bonkers and makes you make the wrong decision. And the only (if there even was) strength that made me carry out throughout the 2 whole years was money. Uniform (no need worry about clothes!), school fees (government will pay!), and the so-called guaranteed path to University. But nobody told me that you had to work freaking hard, if not you can just throw away that piece of paper.

A rocky road I had, and I had no courage to tell anyone. Maybe I did spill out some secrets to a few friends, but I never had the heart to tell my parents that I wanted to give up on this path. I know my parents won't say much, but I know other family members would give me those diapproving talks and looks. Oh how much I wanted to quit and REALLY pursue what I wanted to. But I told myself, "I'm my parents' investment and I don't want to see them meeting ends meet every month. So I'm gonna work hard, get into a U and earn loadsa money to give them a good life."

Now, it's too late to say I don't want. The 2 years are coming to an end soon and like it or not, I have to continue at least until my exams end. Maybe this is why I don't want to go to prom. I don't want to be reminded of this, neither do I want to face my tutors. The last paper would be the last day I'll ever step into that college (except to collect my results). Don't even want to collect my results with everyone else. I don't deserve the anticipation, because I know I won't get the expected grades. It's not like I never tried. I did. But it never did paid off. And I'm sick of struggling to do well in something I dislike, and probably coming to hate.

But the 2 years have passed just like that, and I can't earn them back. I just want to do what I really want to do, learn and study what I really want to know after November. I don't care what everyone else thinks, because I know none of you will understand (hah, doesn't it sound frustrating when I say that?). I know, there are friends out there who pretend to be supportive and friends who are truly supportive no matter what happens (and I am grateful to know them). Friends matter to me, but I'm more worried about my family. What will they think?

Even if my parents tell me they'll support me no matter what I choose, I know it'll equally affect them or even hurt them. I may take a longer time to succeed, but that doesn't mean I won't. At least I know I won't disappoint them. It's just that, they won't see anything yet. YET.

And I'll always remember what Brian and Renny told me, "If you really want to do it, then perservere and do it till the end, regardless of what people say/think."

And I don't care if you look down on me now, 'cause I'm probably as good as an ITE student (maybe not as good), because my mind is set on my dream and whether alone or together with my family, I am going to achieve it.

October Orion

2005-10-13T03:07:00.000+08:00

It's been a couple of weeks since I've blogged; been very lazy and don't know what to blog, because my life's quite boring. Or maybe because I've been too caught up in playing Maple Story. Haha. Oops. Anyway, don't think I'm not studying okay! I am studying! I've been working on Physical Geography essays (it's the first paper 11 November) and I really want to do well for the paper. In fact, there's a very high chance in which I can do very well for that paper if I put in enough effort.

Honestly, as much as I'm working for the As, I don't really expect excellent results. Maybe I won't even get into NUS or NIE at all. I'm like thinking about the number of things that I can do with my A level cert and if I can't make it to any of the local Universities in Singapore. Overseas is definitely out of my choices. As much as I would hate to admit that I have limited choices if I'm not able to get into NUS, I do have quite a number of choices, of which I shall not dwell into in this blog entry.

But what's the point of thinking about all these? I still have time to work hard, which means I still have the chance to do well enough to get into NUS.

Here We Go Again

2005-09-26T03:48:00.000+08:00

The 5-day break is over, which means it's time to mug really hard again.
Somehow I'm looking forward to it, yet dreading it at the same time. Maybe at least now I'll have something to do, something to achieve, rather than sitting around doing nothing and playing Maple Story all day. LOL.

We'll probably be getting our papers back and going through answers for the rest of this week, quite nervous but I guess there's no point being afraid. Should be nervous before the exams and study hard enough so I won't be nervous. So yep, shall take things as they come ba, what's done has already been done.

Thinking about some stuffs recently, things that should not be lingering in my thoughts at this point in time. I can't help it I guess, but I try to shove these thoughts away at the corner of my mind, but they haunt me at night. But I can't entertain them now, it's just not the right time. Neither am I in the right frame of mind to do so. Shall put them on the procrastinating list and deal with them after my As. =)

Prelims are Over!

2005-09-22T03:30:00.000+08:00

I'm so glad that the prelims are all over.
I woke up this morning with the need to head over to my table and do some mugging. Quite an odd feeling I got there, which follower after an odd dream I had. Makes me wonder if I really need him at all.

I guess I'm quite lazy to jerk away from where I am now, because it's in this position I am that I feel the safest, that I do not need to take any risks, hence won't lose anything. But am I really losing nothing by doing nothing? (Think opportunity cost).

To achieve what you want, is to head out and get it. I'm playing the super conservative me now, which is really unlike me. Used to be really all out kinda person and felt that I had nothing to lose if I tried. But now, I don't even feel like trying. I feel like staying put, because it is in this environment that I feel the most familiar, and I feel the least vulnerable.

But I guess this may do me more harm than good (think law of diminishing marginal returns). Maybe I should really get my lazy butt off and do something. But is it really the right time to do so? I won't be the selfish old me, asking for some form of assurance. But I'll be the selfish old me still - protecting my own interests.

A River of Emotions

2005-09-17T02:51:00.000+08:00

A River of Emotions

When it starts, it's goes fast
Plunges down a waterfall
Rapid and turbulent
It doesn't care where it goes...

When she runs, she goes quick
Her heart sinks, heavy, deep
Running still aimlessly
She doesn't care where she goes...

It brings with it more and more
Although still sturdy and quick
It begins to lose its pace
It doesn't know where it's going anymore...

She runs further and farther
Although still running swiftly
Her emotions begin to weigh her down
She doesn't know where she's going anymore...

It slows down as it loses energy
Deposits much of what it has
And enters the calm open sea
It's finally out at last...

She calms down and takes a breather
Throwing away much of her past
And faces the calm open sea
She's finally out at last...

It doesn't end here

2005-09-14T22:47:00.000+08:00

After tomorrow's paper, I'll have about 4 days to prepare for the other 4 papers next week. Will most probably study more for human geog first. Anyway, I just realised that there's more to be done after the prelims. You might probably go, "Of course la! You think A level finish already is it!"

More consultations, more questions to be answered, more essays to write, more pressure, more punching of the calculator, more drawing... you get the idea. It's basically more of everything! So I'm probably going to start planning my time properly after the prelims, maybe that's what the 4 days are for. *Shudders*

I got headache! >,<

Murphy's Visit

2005-09-13T10:57:00.000+08:00

Ah, seems like Murphy decided to drop by on me this week after he visited Brian, and he seems keen to stick to me for quite a few days. Prelims week didn't start well. I didn't have enough sleep, felt GP paper was tough (but Nuha said it wasn't), stoned much during PC and didn't have anything to write. Something else happened, but I don't feel like blogging about it just in case he/she sees it. That really made my heart sink. Maybe I've been hoping too much.

Well, on a lighter note, I guess it's quite comforting to remove the dates from my calender as every paper finishes. Brings me a step closer to the 5-day rest, a step closer to As maybe. I probably won't be blogging for the whole week, perhaps maybe over the weekend when I have more time to do my revision. All the best to everyone having prelims right now, including my BDS juniors and friends in other JCs!

Happy 19th Birthday Uncle Kai Wei!

胸罩哥哥

2005-09-11T00:52:00.000+08:00

这是特地为我的胸罩哥哥，杰胜而写的：

发生了今晚的事，我为你松了一口气。这几个星期的忧郁总算是结束了。希望你们能开心的在一起，也希望你会争气一点，别想太多！既然做出了这个决定，就应该好好的珍惜这一段时间的交往，懂吗？

我突然发现自己原来是多么的没勇气。自己的感情都无法去面对，何况是将来别人对我的感觉呢？我很佩服你。经过了这么多风风雨雨，还能从头再来，再去爱一个人。而我还在黑影中徘徊。

看来到现在，我还是无法走出黑影，无法忘掉他对我的伤害。可能我心里的伤害是累计起来的。我曾经非常爱过的男人，都是为了其他的女生而离开了我。我总是不能接受这些。想起来真是伤偷了我的心。有时，我真的不知道为什么到现在还是不能原谅他。可能这个伤痕须要很长的时间才能医好，但我是不会放弃的。应为我看到了你的勇气，所以我会努力的！

好了，我还是别写这么长，否则会折磨你的！哈哈！我祝你们能幸福的在一起，让这段感情留下美好的回忆。等我十八岁了，咱们去喝几杯！

你的可爱乌龟妹妹，丽晶。

Confessions

2005-09-10T11:15:00.000+08:00

I feel that I should make this known to you, for I fear containing my emotions for too long.
I care a lot for you, and I think a lot about you, but is this equivalent to liking you?
I'm sorry if I sound childish, but I can't really tell anymore.
Maybe I'm still blinded by the past and haven't really found my way out yet.
I don't want to hold on to any hope if you don't feel anything for me.
So I'd rather confess, than keep it inside, because I know how it feels
The more and longer you contain it, the more and longer they'll stay there
And it becomes difficult to let them all go...

But I will let go if I have to
Or maybe I have to let myself go first...

Love,
ChrystaL.

Katrina Aftermath

2005-09-08T13:38:00.000+08:00

Was reading Boingboing where they featured articles and pictures about the Katrina Aftermath. Came across this headline that said, "Rape, murder, beatings" in Astrodome. This is one of the places for refugees of the Katrina destruction and if I am not wrong, most of them are black people. This entry shows two pictures, one of the baby close up, and the other a wide shot which kinda gives the bigger picture of the situation.

"Over 20 rapes per night happening inside this place. They bring in national guard for media purposes. Bush wants us to stay here to raise his ratings. Some workers are stealing the good stuff, like shoes."

Thousands of houses lost, families seperated, jobs lost, shops raided for food and water...

I really hate to believe what is happening in there. What the hell is George Bush doing? I remember I saw this report on CNA that quoted George Bush, saying that post-Katrina restoration will take "years". I don't deny that it is indeed difficult, considering the vast number of people involved. This entry gives some information about what has been observed over at Astrodome.

Makes me think of Gothic (maybe cause I just had gothic consultation today). Think 28 days, the scene when they were brought to the army camp for supposed safety. The things went havoc... hMmm...

Wake Me Up When September Ends

2005-09-07T03:10:00.000+08:00

Summer has come and passed,
The innocent can never last,
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my father's come to past,
Seven years has gone so fast,
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we were.

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and passed,
The innocent can never last,
Wake me up when September ends.

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we were.

As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and passed,
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my father's come and past,
Twenty years have gone so fast,
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake me up when September ends.
Wake me up when September ends.

Greenpeace!

2005-09-06T01:58:00.000+08:00

I was reading this particular thread that was posted in my school forum page about Singaporeans being apathetic to the political scene in Singapore. Some offered reasons towards the apathy, while others suggested possible solutions that could build an awareness among Singaporean youths especially, to be more concerned about politics in Singapore (at least). But I am not going to dwell too much on that, for it is not the focus of my blog entry...

Perhaps we have all forgotten that in the midst of ensuring economic growth and progression, some of us may have forgotten to be Green. Well, I am not talking about a particular classmate of mine of course (well, that shall be kept somewhere in the corner of my memory, not very nice to bring it up anyway). There has been a lot of talk for the past year or so about the oil crisis and the inflation of oil prices. Of course there's been a lot of hoo-hah about it, how it may cause Third World countries to be drawn even further from the developed countries. But how many of us the source of oil and its depletion?

Countries are constantly researching and trying to develop new sources of energy, such as solar power, wind energy that is limited to regions with frequent and high wind speeds, HEP (think the Yangtze river dam that has caused much controversy), as well as nucler energy (which is one of the cheapest sources of energy that releases the least pollutants to the environment, yet at the same time has been causing a lot of concern over the 6-nation talks to disarm nuclear weapons). Yet, there has been no alternative sources of energy that can completely replace the importance of oil.

The recent event of Hurricane Katrina greatly damaged property and destroyed the lives of many living along the Gulf Coast. Please remember that they lack a clean supply of water, proper sanitation systems, shelter and even food. As much as we feel disheartened towards what has happened, we should be grateful that Singapore is not affected by natural disasters such as earthquakes, hurricanes and volcano eruptions. In addition, we should also be grateful that we can drink water directly from taps and travel on relatively clean roads (thanks to the sweepers of course, but that's another story for another day).

Although the common people (like me and perhaps everyone else) cannot contribute directly to the research work and stuff, we can contribute by paying more attention to the environmental issues that are happening around us. By spreading the word and by doing little things. Hey, remember the 3 Rs we were taught right from Primary School? It doesn't have to be big, but sedikit sedikit lama-lama menjadi bukit (someone correct me if I'm wrong!). Hmm, thinking about this makes me want to create a Greenpeace SG blog! Idea!

Anyway, little efforts could mean turning off the room lights and fan when you're not in the room, opening the window instead of turning the fan to high speed, reusing plastic bags, using double sides of paper, buying refillable products (eg: Mama lemon, Shokobutsu, pens, etc). Or if better, send in a little donation to Greenpeace!

The efforts you can do to preserve the environment and protect our fragile Mother Earth need not require much effort, all it takes is just some care and concern for the environment, and a little effort to remind yourself to save energy. Think about it, you're saving on electricity and water bills too!

Happy Teachers' Day!

2005-09-01T09:33:00.000+08:00

It's Teachers' Day! Aka school holiday. Hur hur...

Although it's supposed to be Teachers' Day, most of the teachers are probably busy in school or at home doing preparations for students who may be sitting for their final year examinations this year. When I headed back to Bedok South Secondary School yesterday for a visit, Mrs. Djie (Science HOD) was busy walking up and down getting holiday practice papers done for the students to better prepare them for the important examinations coming ahead. Miss Hoori (my English teacher) was getting worried for the graduating students as well, while others such as Mr. Muru (my form teacher plus combined humanities teacher) seemed to be really cool and easy.

It's during the celebration (yesterday) that students pay a tribute and show their gratitude towards their teachers. I stopped buying gifts for teachers when I entered JC, not because I couldn't be bothered, but because I stopped believing in such things. As much as we are thankful and grateful and as much as it is going to sound cliche, the best gift for the teachers would be the results at the end of the day. The best reward is to see that your hard work has bore fruits and that your students have yet again advanced another step towards a better education and doing something that they really want to do.

Perhaps there is still more to be done to the education system before students at every level enjoy and experience learning as less stressful, and more value-added. I don't deny that changes are taking place, but it will probably take a few more years for the results to be seen. I'm really looking forward to more alterations that are to be made, and also to be a part of the change. =)

HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!

Google Earth

2005-08-31T14:16:00.000+08:00

Downloaded Google Earth as recommended by Miss Lee (my physical geography tutor). Had quite some fun playing around with it. Haha. Here's a few "landmarks" I managed to find. Click on the pictures for a bigger view.

That's the bird's eye view of my block... Had quite a hard time finding it 'cause there's just trees all over! So had to track from the coordinates of Bedok Swimming Complex & Bedok Sports Stadium that Bra gave me.

So from home I traced my way to college and tadah! That's Tampines Junior College! Quite prominent I guess, can see the various blocks including the amphitheatre, the school field & track and the two tennis courts!

So after I left college, I decided to leave Singapore and visit one of the places that I SOOOO want to go to! And of course...

That's how Berlin looks like from the top. I want to go there someday!!! Schiffbauerdamm at the bottom right. So exciting!

Just head to Google Earth and download the programme, then have fun exploring places you've never been to!

2 Weeks to Prelims!

2005-08-29T01:10:00.000+08:00

As you can see, even my blog is in exam mode right now and most of my entries revolve around the academic part of my life (which in fact forms a major part). I guess the previous post did me some form of motivation. So I spent the whole day drawing diagrams non-stop, until I got fed-up with squeezing ink out of the pathetic CD and transparency markers I had. Then decided to head to Popular bookstore to grab myself a nice new set of markers. Very kiddish indeed, but at least it made me happier and I spared myself the torment of forcing the ink out. Bought a whole lot more of other things, food included of course. Wahaha...

I wonder if I can finish the necessary revision just in time for the prelims. I'm definitely not going to get an AO grade for any of my A level subjects and am going to strive hard for at least a B4 for GP. Alright, since I'm here, might as well post my targets for the As!

General Paper - B4
English Literature - D (Not going to aim for a two-grade jump for this, but going to work equally hard anyway)
Economics - D (It's a two-grade jump, but I know I can do it!)
Geography - C (Gonna aim for a C this time, don't want to disappoint my tutors and myself)

As you can see, they're not exactly excellent grades, but they're tentative to changes mainly because of the progress of my revision (which is patently not very good). Actually, I'm aiming for straight Cs, but I think it would be too ambitious of me, considering the fact that I haven't been doing well (not denying that it was laziness that shadowed my true performance).

The best thing that happened the previous week for me was probably Literature. Had consultation and Miss Kon reminded me of a strength I had which I totally forgot, perhaps because I was too absorbed in getting the points and stuff. Well, at least I know I have something less to work on, so that kinda lightens my load a bit. It's these little motivations that make one aim for higher goals. Knowing your strengths mean knowing that it's not impossible to accomplish.

Okay, I seriously need to catch some sleep!

Post-A Level Plans

2005-08-28T01:41:00.000+08:00

Have a cup of milo while studying. Keeps you awake. My favourite and only cup. Got this as a gift in 2000 from my Principal, I remember the year cause it's a comemoration gift from the Syndey Olympics 2000. (The laptop's not supposed to be there =x)

I can't help but look forward to the end of the A levels. Of course, the prelims aren't even here yet (2 weeks till then)! There are so many things I've already thought of doing after the A levels. Of course with the exception of Prom Night (which I'm not going 'cause of financial difficulties), I am heading straight for Class 3 Basic Theory probably a week after the As. After which it's Class 3 practical classes for me! I can't wait actually.

Most importantly, I can't wait to get back to BDS to do some relief teaching. Hopefully, it'll give me a chance to experience what teaching is going to be like, which I'll then decide if it's really a suitable career for me. I'm quite excited actually, although I know it's going to be quite a challenge (if there are things for me to do) or there'll probably be nothing for me to do at all if all I'm asked to do is to give students work to do during lessons. That'll be like so boring although I get paid for doing minimal.

For the past couple of months or so, I've been making such plans and I guess it kinda gave me some form of motivation and inspiration to work hard and get good grades for prelims, and most importantly the As.

Markers on my table to help me make my notes less boring... LoL... Pink and Green - My favourite and most unfavourite colours respectively...

Compiled notes of Rocks & Landforms to keep all my notes neat and organised by topics! I just love the pictures on the cover page, but National Geographic has even more beautiful (beautiful is an understatement) pictures...

Dove Amicelli

2005-08-28T00:39:00.000+08:00

My favourite chocolate... Dove makes really good white chocolate too! Mummy bought a new box of these for me although I had sore throat. But I didn't mind!

On Forgiving

2005-08-26T20:54:00.000+08:00

In life, there are countless of mistakes that we make, which sometimes affect us very badly, or even impact those around us. Some of them might become disappointed in us and give up, while others patiently continue to guide us along our way. Indeed, I am grateful to those who have never given up on me, and also to those who left me on my own. But I am not talking about those who forgave me. I am talking about forgiving someone.

Sometimes, someone can make the same mistakes a few times and everytime it happens, it becomes even more difficult to forgive that person. However, different people will deal with it differently. Some of us will still forgive him or her and move on, while some will leave no space to forgive, and may even become cold towards that person.

Yet I wonder is there a need to do that? Has the person done something so wrong that not only can't you forgive him or her, you have to turn a cold shoulder towards him or sometimes become rude to the person. That I think is too much.

Random Thoughts

2005-08-24T23:10:00.000+08:00

I was in the library with Daniel and Brian this morning and made my comment... "No time no time!" And Daniel replied, "there's no such thing as 'no time', just that whether you want to make some time to complete a task or not." On first thought, it's so duuuh, like who doesn't know that. But come to think of it, it makes a whole lot of sense. I don't deny that there has been many times where I go, "Wah very tired, I want to sleep. Think I shall just forget about doing this homework and sleep la. Tomorrow then copy or do..." Often on a weekend morning when the sun is already halfway up, I think to myself, "it's a weekend, I should sleep more!" Then I realised that I slept for more than half the day, when all was sufficient was 9 hours of sleep. I guess this is a period where I keep getting enlightened. Just yesterday my sister was saying, "When I was studying for A levels, I don't even have time to go pang sai!"

So I guess it's time I really put in all my effort just for these last 3 months of perhaps the toughest phase of my education. It's just 3 months of being named "no life". But I always picture myself looking at my results slip next year in March and jumping around hysterically like some mad woman. Not because I failed, but because I got my straight Bs. I know that it's going to be worth it if I put in all I have. It's going to be tough, but not impossible. After that I don't need to go through such a life anymore. It'll be a new life, a new challenge, a new stage ahead.

But first, I need to go to sleep. Hur hur.

No Time No Time!

2005-08-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

Prelims time-table looks much better this time... I think this is the first time the exams time-table is decent and allows us enough time to rest between papers and revise. At least we don't get gothic paper and econs paper on the same day. I think it's about the same thing for As. Average one paper per day. Hur hur...

Another week and the holidays will be here. No yay for me cause have to study for prelims. No time no time! *Runs around hysterically*

No time no time!

Approached at the Swimming Complex?

2005-08-17T21:55:00.000+08:00

It is a hot and humid day and your clothes stick to you like leeches. So after a month of pigging around the house cause everyone forces you to stay at home and refuse to let you run everywhere on the streets, you decide to head to the pool to cool (no pun intended) down and relax.

You head for the shower and are disappointed when the water is hot and not cold. It does not get better when you step into the pool. Nonetheless, it's better than perspiration trickling down your forehead non-stop. So you go for a swim and feel so glad you're here.

Some time later, this guy approches you and in some ABC (American-Born Chinese) tone goes "Hi! Swim with me!" You're quite freaked out, cause he's not some cute guy and looks like some pervert so you reply, "Errr, no thanks. I'm leaving soon."

"Are you a good swimmer? Like good female swimmer?"
(Thinks do I look like a male to you?")
"Unfortunately not."

So you continue with your own swimming and stop halfway and he catches up and says, "Woah, you swim so fast like some aero-------- (I forget the exact words)!"

"Eeerrr, thanks. Gotta go, bye!"

N you leave the pool. What can be worse when two cute guys are just about to go and swim! Stupid retard. Arghs! There was this cute guy whom I kept exchanging glances with... *Sigh*

What to do when you meet with such a scenario?
1. If you see someone walking in your direction possibly towards you, NEVER look at him in the eye. Swim (or walk) away immediately to some other corner of the pool. (of course if he's a cute guy you can zap him with some current of yours. *Zap*)

2. Don't talk to him. If you don't want to appear so arrogant, just reply with one word. "Yes... no... okay..." Do it in a monotonous tone. Don't sound scared.

3. If you feel really uncomfortable with him around, alert the coast guard. If you want to avoid trouble, go to the area of the pool where there's more people around, preferbly women.

4. If he still follows you, head to the toilet and quickly get changed. While in the toilet, call someone to accompany you home or if you have the luxury of living near a police station, walk into the police station.

5. Remember to remain calm at all times!

New Skin

2005-08-14T17:19:00.000+08:00

Another new skin. This one is simpler and gives me more space and freedom to make changes. I know it looks kinda boring and pinkish, but well... That's Chrystal for you. =P
I've gotten rid of the tag-board, so instead of using that you can just use blogger's comment tool.
I've copied old entries from my old blog here so you can read, but I don't think anybody wants to. Shall upload pictures soon, if not my blog looks really boring and plain, worse than plain bread.
Argh, the flu bug's back to haunt me. =(

Blogs to Read

2005-08-12T07:28:00.000+08:00

I'm sure many of you out there know about the famous (or infamous) blogger Xia Xue. A few weeks ago, some inconsiderate fellow hacked into her accounts and literally turned her life upside-down. I still remember one of the comments made by her in an interview (someone correct me if I'm wrong) that the blog was practically her life. I can sympathise with the way she felt, although I know that I can never exactly understand her pain and disappointment. I'm not a fan of her blog, neither do I hate her. Besides you have to know someone personally before you decide that you dislike him/her right?

Anyway, I was reading her latest entry regarding a Chinese blogger from Shaanxi who calls herself Furong Jie Jie. In my humble opinion, I feel that the entry was mean. Really mean. I admire Miss Xia Xue for her looks and yes, she has every right to condemn Miss Furong about her obesity and looks. I don't deny that Miss Xia Xue is prettier, if not way much prettier than most of us. Yeah, we're a liberal society and all, but I think it's really mean to make such remarks on Miss Furong. Maybe Miss Xia Xue was just being straight forward and reflecting the harsh reality of our society. "I do not think she will read this thus my straightforwardness, and I hope she won't..." Still, I think the worse comments are actually made by the readers, "...but I also want to state that my readers' comments do NOT represent my stand."

Nonetheless, the photoshop editing was quite well done.

PS: I have no intention of condemning Miss Xia Xue's words. Just some of my own thoughts about respecting someone. Even if you know he/she is not going to read (or will probably not understand) your entry, still don't have to be so harsh and straightforward. But then again, who the hell cares?! =}

The Sonnet - Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer

2005-08-07T11:38:00.000+08:00

Romantic, hopeful, and composed. You are the Sonnet. Get it? Composed?

Sonnets want Love and have high ideals about it. They're conscientious people, caring & careful. You yourself have deep convictions, and you devote a lot of thought to romance and what it should be. This will frighten away most potential mates, but that's okay, because you're very choosy with your affections anyway. You'd absolutely refuse to date someone dumber than you, for instance.

Lovers who share your idealized perspective, or who are at least willing to totally throw themselves into a relationship, will be very, very happy with you. And you with them. You're already selfless and compassionate, and with the right partner, there's no doubt you can be sensual, even adventurously so.

You probably have lots of female friends, and they have a special soft spot for you. Babies do, too, at the tippy-top of their baby skulls.

ALWAYS AVOID: The 5-Night Stand, The False Messiah, The Hornivore, The Last Man on Earth
CONSIDER: The Loverboy

Take the test here!

Think Before Judging Someone?

2005-08-01T23:15:00.000+08:00

A woman was pregnant and already had 8 children. 3 of them were deaf, two of them were blind and one was mentally challenged. On top on that, she had syphilis. Would you recommend that she have an abortion?

It is time to elect a new world leader and your vote counts. The following are facts about the three candidates that you are to choose from:

Candidate 1: Associates with crooked politicians and consults astrologists. Chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate 2: Kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every morning.

Candidate 3: Decorated war hero. Vegetarian, non-smoker, drinks an occasional beer and hasn't had any extra-marital affairs.

+++

So would you recommend that the pregnant woman go for an abortion?
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

So who would you elect as the new world leader?
If you elected Candidate 3, you have just elected for Adolf Hitler.

Candidates 1 and 2 are Fanklin D. Roosevelt and Winston Churchill respectively.

Should a person think before judging someone? Amateurs built the ark; Professionals built Titanic.

His or Her Fault?

2005-08-01T08:23:00.000+08:00

Guy: I want you back with me.
Girl: You know it's not possible.
Guy: Why? You're still angry with me for not knowing what to do with our relationship then. I know I wasn't doing anything. But there were so many problems, I didn't know how to deal with them and I got even more confused about our relationship.
Girl: So?
Guy: So why can't you give me a chance to make things better?
Girl: I don't want to talk about the past.
Guy: I don't understand. A relationship build on 5 years of feelings... and you can simply say you don't love me anymore?
Girl: It's over. There's nothing more I wish to say to you...
Guy: One day... I'm going to make you come back to me. *Walks away*
Girl: *Tears well up in her eyes* It's useless...

Adolf Hitler

2005-07-31T08:36:00.000+08:00

I came across an article published on the front page of The Straits Times on Tuesday (26 July, 2005) which titled "Verdict: Hitler's not great, but why?". The article did not dwell much on the atrocities of the Nazis during the second World War, but instead dealt with the changes in history lessons that should be taking place in Singapore. Who doesn't know that the number of deaths as a result of WWII was at least 56 million, not including the number of people who were injured physically and psychologically? Anyone can easily relate the Holocaust to Adolf Hitler, the man responsible for the massacre of the Jews. It's quite obvious that he was one of the main culprits (not the sole) and therefore should not be honoured at all.

"When history teacher Joseph Wong's students tell him Hitler was a great leader, alarm bells go off in his head... It is during discussions that they focus on the atrocities the Nazi leader committed during World War II."

It's not suprising for a teacher to be taken aback when his students make such a remark. It'll be quite dangerous for someone to honour Hitler as his/her idol, and the ideology might manifest itself. Who knows, history might repeat itself and a Hitler-like figure might evolve in the 21st Century. The result of that is truly unimaginable and must be avoided at all costs, especially with the development of nuclear warfare and the tension that is growing between various countries/regions.

However, it makes me wonder why is it so important that the mistakes and impacts of WWII are so much dealt with? True, the point of history is to learn from it, analyse it and hopefully avoid history to repeat itself. We study about the impacts of WWII, learn about the people responsible for it and perhaps even honour the heroes. Schools are greatly concerned with that. I don't deny that Hitler was responsible for the impacts of WWII. Still, there are two sides to a coin. Analysis requires weighing the pros and cons. A source would have certain limitations and credible information. As much as Hitler was evil, shouldn't his leadership qualities be studied as well?

No one would doubt he had a charisma. Think about the time and effort he had spent doing up an image for himself, printing posters, rehearsing his speeches and even to develop a logo to represent himself and his political party. No one would listen to him if he turned up in some old ragged clothes. No one would've paid any attention to him if not for his "odd-looking" moustache. No one would even be convinced if he couldn't speak well and didn't offer an attractive reward if people supported him (not neglecting the fact that people were desperately poor). The devotion to his party, his commitment and passion to what he was doing enabled his supporters to stay loyal to him and perhaps eventually become "brain-washed". He also had strategies that aided in the successful union with Austria and the invasion of Poland, which triggered the war.

I am a vivid fan of Germany and it's history, especially in relation to WWII where Hitler was in power. I am not a supporter of Hitler, neither am I in agreement of the Holocaust carried out in WWII. I am truly aware of the devastation. In my humble opinion, Hitler did possess good leadership qualities that resulted in the successful creation of the Nazi party and his eventual rise to power. But should a good/bad leader be judged according to what he did? Or should he be judged according to the qualities he possesses? Why should a good leader be judged only if he does good/beneficial things to society? Perhaps it is the lack of distinction between leadership and result that has led to great misunderstanding of history.

Hospital Food Sucks

2005-07-24T01:54:00.000+08:00

Hospital food sucks, especially the Chinese food. I could've requested to have Muslim food. It tastes so much better. Well, being hospitalised has made me appreciate mum's weekly soups better. The soup they served at CGH was so sucky. It didn't even taste like soup at all. It was as if they just threw in the ingredients and fished them out within 5 minutes. Bleurgh.

Drip sucks too. I had to carry that stupid bag everywhere I went. N when they removed the drip, the stupid needle was still there. I couldn't even bathe properly man. N my left hand wasn't very useful 'cause it was hurting from the jab that they poked into my arm to draw a third tube of blood. It was just getting into the way man. I couldn't even take off my clothes without feeling pain. N I was so afraid to get water into my right hand cause I was afraid of the pain that might be caused. Oh, I even mastered the "art" of buckling up my bra with one hand.

I think I'm needlephobic and hematophobic. The moment the needle was poked into my arm/hand, I felt so giddy and nauseos. Today after the nurse removed my needle I was so giddy I felt like fainting and thankfully my bed wasn't too far away. I ended up vomiting my lunch in the toilet.

I could never sleep well when warded, especially when I was sitting right next to the entrance of the room. I could hear machines, beds and trollies being pushed to and fro along the corridor, nurses and doctors engaging in their conversations, and not forgetting the noisy footsteps of visitors. It doesn't end there. Within the room (there's 6 beds), there'd be noises too. Either the drawing of curtains while the nurses and doctors tended to the other patients around me, lights being switched on and off (this is even more disturbing at night), and nurses coming in every few hours to ask me about my pain, check my temperature and take my blood pressure. Imagine being called up at 2am to go for an x-ray.

N it didn't help that an old lady was shouting and complaining on the first of the whole night. After she was discharged on the 2nd day of my stay, another lady came and stayed at the same bed. She was slightly better, though often she would be speaking really loud and raised her voice at the nurses. She couldn't eat nor drink on the first day of her stay (gosh I know EXACTLY how she felt) and she was really emotionally unstable. Though I managed to sleep better on the 2nd night, the disturbance is kinda not very much appreciated, so I'm really glad I could be discharged from the hospital today.

I am going to have a good night's sleep. No more nurses coming to disturb me, no more groaning, no more pain, well... except for my tummy pain.

Oh guess what, the doctor gave me like 2 weeks of MC, excluding my hospital stay. I gotta go to school man, if not I'm gonna fail my As. Nurse said, "No jumping and hopping around at home. You can go to school but if you don't feel well, run home." LOL. Lost about 2kg and 1 inch.

Ouch.

Loving the right person at the right time...

2005-07-19T22:18:00.000+08:00

In life, we meet all sorts of people. Some people will stay in our hearts as unforgettable friends, some stay only for a short while, while some will always have a special place in our hearts. Whether it be a fortune or not, some of us go through many relationships before we finally decide to spend the rest of our lives with "the one". Some don't have to experience so many relationships to realise that "the one" is the only and first one. Sometimes I wonder, is there such a thing as loving the right person at the right time?

I guess my question was somehow answered recently, when an ex-boyfriend of mine requested for us to patch things up and try the relationship again. Those who have seen me through the relationship with him would definitely not approve of it, while a small amount of other friends adviced that I should give him another chance if I still love him, seeing that he is very sincere about it this time round.

Yet, I decided to deny him of this chance, or as some of you might think, denying myself of this chance as well. I've been through a lot of hard times trying to earn his love and attention, and our relationship wasn't going on very smoothly despite my efforts to make it work. Everytime he had asked for a patch-up, something would go wrong. As much as I would like to, I wouldn't say he was entirely at fault, for isn't a relationship 2-way? Was it because I appeared at the wrong time, while someone else was still occupying his heart, and he was still a playful indecisive boy who sat on the fence all the while?

I have been through the worse times of my life, struggling to be strong despite the many failures I had to come to terms with. Perhaps it taught me lesson - if he wasn't there for me when I much needed him, why should I even still try? That was when I decided that I no longer needed him and he wasn't worth that effort.

Until now, he's still persistant, and I'm still firm in the decision I make. Perhaps it was a bit too late for him to realise that I was there for him all along. And perhaps it isn't the right time for me to get into a relationship. So I guess I'll leave things as it is...

This pain is just too real

2005-07-19T13:16:00.000+08:00

Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. Argh. Ouch.
I can't sleep. It's been this way since the past few nights and I've been depending on cough syrup to make me drowsy and fall asleep. It hurts. It really hurts. The pain is so distinct I can't even fall asleep. In fact, after taking the medicine, I started to feel giddy and nauseos. My lower back is beginning to hurt (or am I just hallucinating after reading too much from the net?).

I've done some research about my condition online. Gosh, I hope it doesn't complicate and I hope it goes away within a week. The pain is killing me. *Sigh*

New Skin!

2005-07-19T11:50:00.000+08:00

Thanks to everyone who's been supporting my blog and reading my posts!
I'll try my best to update frequently with interesting reads of course, don't wanna disappoint you guys yeah!
Anyway, I've finally decided to work on a new skin myself.
Pictures are all from deviantart, so do seek permission before putting any of these pictures in your own blogs or websites. Thanks!

There's no particular reason as to why I've chosen such a romantic theme for my new skin, I guess I was just in a romantic mood once again. Hah. I couldn't really think of a name for it, so settled on "Close to You" which is inspired by the famous song by The Carpenters. It's a simple skin, nothing too fancy, but I decided to give it an "antique" look by making the images grayscale. There wasn't any guy to inspire me to come up with this, really (if that's what you're thinking), bleah.

Anyway, I've got some pictures posted up. So have fun clicking around!

Holidays are ending

2005-06-22T00:00:00.000+08:00

Holidays are coming to an end, which means that the exams are coming soon!
Been trying my best to study as hard as I can and try to remember many things possible, because I so do not want to fail any subject! Even E also cannot! Hopefully can get straight Cs? Or is it a bit too much to ask for? I will jia you!!!

Anyway, this holiday feels special, unlike any other holidays I've had. In the past, the holidays were either hanging out with friends almost every other day, or just sitting at home like a couch potato. But this holidays, I've decided to adopt a healthy lifestyle! Jogging every morning with daddy became part of my lifestyle and part of my new diet/exercise plan. Not only that, I managed to repair my screwed up body clock by waking up at 6.30am and sleeping earlier. But I guess the more important thing is that it has brought daddy and I closer.

Not only that, we bought a new 2nd hand car, which meant that we couldn't splurge as we had to deal with the installments and car maintainence fees every month. So I guess turning off the air-con early or not turning it on at all was helping. Then I became more helpful around the house and I managed to learn a few new dishes from mummy!

Although I started my revision late, I guess the holidays haven't been really wasted away. At least I learn some things that Miss Kon won't say in a lecture. LOL.

It's the gothic gothic hour!

Facial Care

2005-06-13T22:41:00.000+08:00

I never understood the importance of taking good care of my face when I was in my early teens. I remember I used to be quite a vainpot when I was little girl, often playing around with my mother's make-up. I remember I even persuaded my mother to buy a set of eyeshadow for me to use when I was performing at some school concert. From young, I saw how my mum diligently applied this creamy peach like substance onto her face everyday after her bath.

As I grew a little older, pimples started to form all over my face and I did little to get rid of them. Well, maybe I did attempt to squeeze the yellow stick icky substance... and when they dried up, I'd pick them out with my nails and sometimes made my pimples even worse. Then, I began to realise that my outbreaks often populated on the left of my face and all over my forehead. I decided to steal some of my sister's facial wash to cleanse my face, but I never did that everyday and gradually I never cleansed my face.

I guess it suddenly dawned upon me that I had to start paying some attention to how I look, when I had contracted chicken pox when I was 16. I looked so horrible with all the poxes on my face and body that I dared not look at myself in the mirror... even when I did, the person who stared back at me in horror was almost unrecognisable.

So mum bought coconut juice home and made me wash my face with it. The red watery bumps slowly disappeared like magic and I was so glad that my face looked better. I guess ever since then, I never neglected my face. I can never imagine how hideous (okay maybe too strong a word) I'd look if I didn't bother to do anything to combat the blackheads and pimples on my face...

Morning Glory!

2005-06-13T08:46:00.000+08:00

Good morning!
Rise and shine!
Morning glory!
Turn on the lights and turn on the music and groooooove baby!
WhooOOoOo~

Haha... I woke up at 7.30am and headed downstairs to jog with my dad. He says I'm a worse runner compared to him. =(
Then he was telling me about how he used to fail his IPPT because of running... He used to be some national champion sprinter when he was young... but can't do long distance running... I guess it runs in the family. LOL.
Anyway, I'm like wide awake now despite the mere 2 hours of sleep and I'm not even yawning. Had a really difficult time adjusting to my contacts because I kept tearing due to lack of sleep and moisture in my eyes.
Should have agreed to go study with Cindy. Oh well, I shall go and take a bath now, watch some news and then... find something to do. Bleah.

Oh one more thing... My new workout routine is more effective! In fact it's working better the 70 sit ups I used to do. I've switched to 3 sets of 20 reps now for the abs & legs training... 10 reps for the dumbell lifting. Now I feel so proud of myself for not feeling lazy yesterday and forced myself to do my workouts. Hohoho.
I don't mind the 55kg if my body tones up (though I really wish to lose a few kgs), just as long as I don't gain!

I have no idea why I'm blogging about this la...
Hopes my lao gong in Tekong works hard too!

*Poof*

Start Mugging with a Cup of Tea

2005-06-04T23:04:00.000+08:00

The JC2 common tests time-table is already out. Though it's nothing much to complain about, since we've already gone through it twice last year, the only consolation is that the Economics paper will only be 1h 30min, which will probably consist of essay questions on micro-economics only (someone please correct me if I'm wrong). Lit paper 8 is only 2 hours, which we've already been told and have to sit for a proper 3 hours paper anyway. My sister will probably start to nag at me even more now that she's having her holidays, but I guess it's for my own good...

It's coming to the end of the term as well, and I guess it is really time to set my priorities right. There are certain things that are important as well, but they're not going to be any much more important now that the A levels will be the number 1 on my list. I feel bad about leaving some things behind, but I guess at the point in time they really aren't worth making sacrifice for, especially when I'm not gaining much from it either. But I will still do what I can, just not as much anymore.

But first, there's Mothers' Day!

Bestie

2005-05-30T00:42:00.000+08:00

This entry is dedicated to one of the most important people in the whole wide world!!!

It's been great knowing you for like... 5 and a half years already? Except for the first 2 years in secondary school where I wasn't so close to you yet, I guess we've seen each other grown so much and changed so much in character. That bucked-tooth looking like nerd has become a beautiful swan already (although the buck tooth's still there). Not only have we matured and changed, we've grown into each other as well and I seriously can't imagine how I could've survived the past year without you around to complain to. I think you were probably the only one who supported my decision in dropping bio back in secondary school and I should've listened to you - a D7 on my cert ain't very nice.

Anyway, I don't know what triggered me to write this. I think it's because just now I was uploading the picture we both took on my handphone (Oh how sad my HP is spoilt!) and I was thinking of what to write in the caption. Go check it out yeah...

And I know I haven't been able to be there for you much because of this really huge obstacle I have to get through now, but my heart always goes out to you. Maybe I don't say much to tell you how much I really care and how much I'd really want to be there for you. Sometimes I feel like bringing some Cadbury chocolates (Wouldn't it be nice!) and some flowers over to your place and surprise you and make you feel better, but the laziness and fatigue just gets over me. N besides, I'm not your bf! Maybe you should get your bf to do that... =P

Yeah, so if you run to me and I don't say much, it's not that I don't care. It's just that I'm not as cliche as everyone else to say the same things (bleah) and I'm probably too lazy to say anything (bleah). No it's a joke la. Laugh. I just hope you don't give up okay. There's nothing wrong with failing maths and science at O levels (coz that's what happened to my sis anyway and she's doing well in NUS). So you could probably be a non-maths, non-science person but could be earning like 10k per month next time. And if you do... DON'T FORGET ME!

Okay, now this entry sounds like a comic relief. I wanted it to be like so sad that you will tear up. *Violin music* Woooooweeeewoooo....

Okay. LOVE YA BESTIE.

PS: This entry is not dedicated to just anyone with a buck tooth, curly hair, and 5 bucks in her bank account. This is dedicated to the one who sang back the song of my heart when I forgot the lyrics... and finally to end it off... Wouldn't it be nice!

Unwell

2005-05-28T13:40:00.000+08:00

I hate myself.
I can't fall asleep every night.
I wanted to sleep, so I popped 4 panadols into my mouth and went to sleep. Now I feel sick. Urgh.

I know all of you out there hate me for being in this state now, but I don't care.
You don't have to say it out, you don't have to hide it, because I'm not a silly fool who can't tell.
And to those of you who think it's oh-so-easy to pick myself up, try being me. Try going through so much pain. Try slitting your hand or legs or some flesh on your body. Tell me if you feel the pain.
Of course you'd say that you know it will hurt real bad without even trying. But I don't.

It's not easy to be strong, neither is it easy to be me.
Don't tell me you know how it feels like and you understand how I feel, because you don't and you will never ever know what I'm going through until...

Your life takes a sudden turn just when you thought you were performing at your best. People leave you one by one. You realise you have to do this alone. Someone comes along and offers to hold your hand and guide you through, then suddenly he/she lets go and you find yourself plunging down again, but this time deeper. The more you try to get out, the deeper you fall. You tell yourself you must get out of this mess, but the more you try, the worse it gets.

You wake up and think it's a bad dream. But it's a living nightmare for me. I can't fall asleep, and I doze off into sleep with my pillow wet from all the crying. Don't you wonder how much my pillow stinks? I wake up, not sure if I even slept in the first place. I don't want to go anywhere... I just want to hide under the covers for as long as I want to and slam the door against the rest of the world. I shut my eyes and tears flow out again. I wonder, when will this ever stop. Can it even stop. And then I think... maybe the only way to stop it... to stop my life from being this way... to end it all...

and you thought I was going to die.